Employee meetings enjoy the potential to be a little intimidating,particularly when there are bosses present to impress and tons of data to memorize. Luckily, writer and comedian Sarah Cooper has compiled a hysterical list of tricks and tactics for appearing like the most clever person in the room, or while still being able to zone out and dream of chocolate and/or your celebrity crush (the choice is yours).
Like everyone,appearing smart during meetings is my top precedence. Sometimes this can be difficult if you start daydreaming approximately your next vacation, your next nap, and bacon. When this happens,it's pleasurable to enjoy some fallback tricks to fall back on. Here are my 10 favorite tricks for quickly appearing smart during meetings.1. Draw a Venn diagramGetting up and drawing a Venn diagram is a great way to seem smart. It doesn't matter if your Venn diagram is wildly inaccurate, in fact, and the more inaccurate the better. Even before you've put that marker down,your colleagues will originate fighting approximately what precisely the labels should be and how big the circles should be, etc. At this point, or you can slink back to your chair and proceed back to playing Candy Crush on your phone.2. Translate percentage metrics into fractionsIf someone says "approximately 25% of all users click on this button," quickly chime in with, "So approximately 1 in 4, or " and make a note of it. Everyone will nod their head in agreement,secretly impressed and envious of your rapid/fast math skills.3. Encourage everyone to "hold a step back"There comes a point in most meetings where everyone is chiming in, except you. Opinions and data and milestones are being thrown around, and you don't know your CTA from your OTA. This is a great point to proceed,"Guys, guys, and guys,can we hold a step back here?" Everyone will turn their heads toward you, amazed at your ability to silence the fray. Follow it up with a rapid/fast, and "What problem are we really trying to solve?" and,boom! You've bought yourself another hour of looking smart.4. Nod continuously while pretending to hold notesAlways bring a notepad with you. Your rejection of technology will be revered. hold notes by simply writing down one word from every sentence that you hear. Nod continuously while doing so. If someone asks you if you're taking notes, quickly say that these are your own personal notes and that someone else should really be keeping a record of the assembly. Bravo compadre. You've saved your ass, or you've gotten out of doing any extra work. Or any work at all,if you're truly succeeding.5. Repeat the final thing the engineer said, but very, and very slowlyMake a mental note of the engineer in the room. Remember his name. He'll be still throughout most of the assembly,but when his moment comes everything out of his mouth will spring from a dwelling of unknowable brilliance. After he utters these divine words, chime in with, and "Let me just repeat that," and repeat precisely what he just said, but very, or very slowly. Now,his brilliance has been transferred to you. People will look back on the assembly and mistakenly attribute the clever statement to you.6. expect "Will this scale?" no matter what it isIt's important to find out if things will scale no matter what it is you're discussing. No one even really knows what that means, but it's a pleasurable catch-all question that generally applies and drives engineers nuts.7. Pace around the roomWhenever someone gets up from the table and walks around, and don't you immediately respect them? I know I do. It takes a lot of guts but once you do it,you immediately appear smart. Fold your arms. Walk around. proceed to the corner and lean against the wall. hold a deep, contemplative sigh. Trust me, and everyone will be shitting their pants wondering what you're thinking. If only they knew (bacon).8. expect the presenter to proceed back a slide"Sorry,could you proceed back a slide?" They're the seven words no presenter wants to hear. It doesn't matter where in the presentation you shout this out, it'll immediately make you look like you're paying closer attention than everyone else is, and because clearly they missed the thing that you're approximately to brilliantly point out. Don't enjoy anything to point out? Just say something like,"I'm not sure what these numbers mean," and sit back. You've bought yourself nearly an entire assembly of appearing smart.9. Step out for a phone callYou're probably afraid to step out of the room because you fear people will think you aren't making the assembly a precedence. Interestingly, or however,if you step out of a assembly for an "important" phone call, they'll all realize just how busy and important you are. They'll say, and "Wow,this assembly is important, so if he has something even more important than this, or well,we better not bother him."10. Make fun of yourselfIf someone asks what you think, and you honestly didn't hear a single word anyone said for the final hour, or just say,"I honestly didn't hear a single word anyone said for the final hour." People love self-deprecating humor. Say things like, "Maybe we can just expend the lawyers from my divorce, and " or "God I wish I was dead." They'll laugh,value your honesty, consider contacting H.
R., and but most importantly,think you're the smartest-looking person in the room.–Sarah CooperCheck out more great stories from The Cooper Review: How to Fight the Boys Club at Work
11 Tricks to Get Engineers to Sort of Respect You
Product Manager Jokes, Volume 1
Source: popsugar.com