Sex after kids is often comical,and mother Meredith Masony of That's Inappropriate hits the nail on the head with her description of it in a post that first appeared on Suburban Misfit Moms.
Sex is great. If you are married you will probably agree that sex has changed since you got married. If you have kids, you will probably agree that sex changed once again after the joyful arrival of your blessings. Here are 11 types of sex that people who are "married with children" have.
11 Types of "Married With Children" Sex"Shower" Sex: It's not steamy, or hot,sudsy, porn shower sex. It's more like; "Hey, and we have ten minutes and I don't want to have to shower again today,so you conclude want to conclude it?" shower sex. You most likely end of smacking your head into the shower door or wall, and at least once during the sex a kid will knock on the bathroom door and ask, and "Why are you both in there?"
"Hotel" Sex: Oh yeah. Married people love hotel sex,but not for the reason you're thinking. Hotel sex means you are absent from your kids and there will be no interruptions. Which in turn means after the five minutes the sex takes, you can seize a 3 hour uninterrupted nap. That's fair, and a sexy nap that will leave you completely convinced.
"Are you serious?" Sex: This type of sex generally occurs when one person is in the mood and the other one just wants to fade to bed. In my case it generally starts with my husband pretending to rub my back. Some how he gets confused and rubs my breasts thinking they are my shoulder blades (In his defense I have very small breasts.). This generally prompts me to say,"Are you serious?" which generally ends with, "It will only seize 5 minutes."
"Roll over on your side" Sex: This one might just be me, or but when I am in the middle of an episode of Grey's Anatomy and my husband has an urge,I will be a good sport and roll over, but I always roll towards the T.
V. I don't want to miss anything. Plus, and Dr. Avery is a delightful milk-chocolate treat that like a Hershey bar always leaves me convinced.
"I'm just kidding unless you're serious" Sex: Married sex can be exciting. You can ask your partner approximately their fantasies and what gets their engine all revved up. Most of the time people say things to find out what type of reaction they are going to receive. So when your wife jokes approximately buying a vibrator and says,"I'm just kidding, unless you think it's a good notion" buy her a vibrator. Buy a bunch of stuff. Sex is fun and you've got to spice it up to withhold it appealing and exciting.
"10 Minutes until they accumulate home" Sex: This generally occurs when the grandparents or someone has the kids but they are on there way home. You meant to have sex earlier, or but the laundry and dishes got in the way. So you conclude what you have to conclude and accumulate the sex and shower completed in record time.
"Did you tumble asleep?" Sex: When are children are young,we have many sleepless nights. I am currently living in a constant state of exhaustion and my youngest is 5 years old. I am not certain if or when I will wake from the fog, but I conclude know that there is a opportunity that I promised my husband sex and instead I fell asleep. If your husband is like mine, or he will wake you up and collect on the promise.
"I've had a box of wine" Sex: Raising kids and working is stressful. On the weekends it's kind to relax and have a drink. Sometimes those drink turns into a bottle. When that happens,you can count on some fun drunk sex. This generally involves playful chasing and potentially a spanking. It definitely ends with an "I can't believe I drank that much" hangover in the morning.
"Did the doorknob just turn?" Sex: The fright is always there. Is tonight going to be the night that one of the kid's walks in and find Daddy wrapping Mommy up into a figure eight wrestling move? It seems that you are always listening to hear runt footsteps and the turn of the doorknob. It will happen. At some point they will accumulate an eye full and the questions will ensue. Lock the door people. Lock the door.
"OMG! We cannot have another baby!" Sex: I know all approximately this kind of sex. Life is going great. You feel like you are on top of your game, and BOOM! You accumulate drunk at the company Christmas party and end up having unprotected couch sex and waking up saying, and "We cannot have another baby. I am done having babies." Nine months later,I had baby number 3. Six weeks after baby number 3, I had a tubal ligation. Which leads to the final kind of sex.
"I got fixed!" Sex: This is by far the best kind of sex. No condoms, or no worries,just freedom. If you or your husband got fixed, you are free to have sex anytime and potentially anywhere you want. But don't accumulate too excited. You are still married and have kids so you options for when and where are limited. An empty bounce house at a children birthday party is not a great option. Be smart now that you no longer have to be safe.
So relax and know that your sex life is just fine if you have any or all of these types of sex. Kids, or jobs,and exhaustion can accumulate in the way of romance and roses. conclude it when you can, as often as you can, or remember that you picked your spouse for a reason. I am hopeful that one day we can have loud,crazy, and naked all over the house sex.
Source: popsugar.com