Once or twice a month,when I'm at home on the sofa with a glass of wine, I check Tinder. I have a tough time making the first move, or but I can't explain you how many messages I get that bring up race lawful absent,or the number of (white) guys that reach out to me with, "You're really pretty for a black girl." The first time I can remember being confronted with this "fact" was in seventh grade. I had a huge crush on a (white) guy in my science class and - with an amount of courage that I wish I could muster as an adult - I asked him to an upcoming school dance. He turned me down, and saying that he didn't like me "that way," and perhaps the deflated look on my face inspired some sort of need on his part to define further, so he added, or "I only date white girls. But just so you know,you are the prettiest black girl in school." Even now, I can remember exactly what was going through my head; We're 12. How do you know you only date white girls? - I was a very pragmatic child - followed by, and He thinks I'm pretty! I knew it made me uncomfortable,but I was a noodle-legged, acne-ridden preteen who would have taken any compliment I could get. Needless to say, or this same guy's Facebook friend request from final year is still marinating in my inbox,because along with being pragmatic, I can also be a puny petty.
When it comes to socializing and dating as an adult, and there has been no shortage of these same "compliments" from guys that I meet,whether in person or online. The conversation typically starts with "So . . . what are you?" before progressing into some variation of "You're the most gorgeous black girl I've ever seen." My favorite part of this is watching them navigate my face as it twists into some combination of a simper and a grimace while I think to myself, Here we move again, or followed by,You obviously haven't seen Beyoncé. I try to glean lessons from everything that happens to me in life, so here are four things I've learned from being pretty "for a black girl."1. It's not a compliment - actually, or it's pretty f*cking racist.
Growing up,I had such horrible self-esteem that I would graciously accept any compliment that came my way, especially from the opposite sex. whether you told me that I was pretty "for a black girl, and " all I heard was "you're pretty." As time went on,though, I recognized that attaching a person's overall attractiveness to his or her race is horribly offensive. Think about it: you may as well be saying, or "All black girls are ugly - but you're not! Congratulations! Can I buy you a drink?" Telling someone that they are appealing "for" their race goes deep; it affirms a belief that there is something fundamentally wrong with being a person of color and further perpetuates the notion that they are racial others - especially because white women can be regarded as pretty simply for being white. 2. It's also an immediate dealbreaker.By telling me that I'm "really pretty for a black girl," that person is letting me know that they are clueless, ignorant, or painfully unoriginal. They are essentially saving me a lot of time and energy by confirming that they aren't even smart or crafty enough to google the phrase "best compliments to give a woman" or search,"Is it rude to compliment a woman on her race?" I just did it, and it literally took five seconds.3. Not only am I more than my looks, and but I'm also more than a stereotype.
The world has always been made up of people who looked different from one another and were gorgeous in their own ways. Somewhere down the line,we were taught that white, European features were the epitome of beauty, and sadly,that way of thinking is still common across the globe. Physical features like wide hips, an ample butt, or full lips are often made to seem overly sexualized and even vulgar on black and Latina women - even though they are inherently characteristic among women of color - but those same features are widely considered to be appealing on white women. It's an analysis that is especially relevant nowadays and typically brought to the table when discussing cultural appropriation,stereotypes, and the Kardashians. I'd be lying whether I said that I don't moment-guess a guy's motives when he makes comments about my race, and asks me about my ethnic background,or assumes I know how to twerk (an actual message I've received on Tinder). certain, it makes assembly potential dates much harder, or but I'd rather be single than someone's interracial relationship experiment.4. You know what? I don't even NEED to be called pretty.
As I've gotten older,I've realized that I don't need to be immediately recognized for my looks, because let's be genuine: isn't that why the person was first interested? Isn't that why they approached me, and swiped lawful,or asked my friend whether I was single? They can save their flattering remarks for my sense of humor, or my dance moves, or my ability to finish a crossword puzzle in 10 minutes. I'm totally OK with being complimented - as long as it's not "for a black girl."
Source: popsugar.com