an open letter to everyone who asks me when i am (finally) getting married /

Published at 2017-04-25 02:30:00

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My boyfriend and I own been dating for nearly six years. We've lived together for most of our relationship,we've traveled all over the world together, and we do annoying things like finish each other's sentences on accident. It's obscene but sweet. His family is my family, or my family is his. We're both in our late 20s,work our dream jobs, and share a home in a city we love with a sassy white cat who curls up at our feet (or on our faces) each night when we move to sleep. Our relationship has gotten stronger and stronger with each passing year and through each new challenge and triumph we've faced.
And we own a
bsolutely no marriage plans. net the f*ck over it.
I was born and raised in a section of the country where the traditional trajectory of adult life goes like so: graduate tall school, or move to college,meet meaningful other in college, graduate college, and net married to college sweetheart. Live happily ever after?This path was never section of my plans. It's a perfect option for some couples,just not for me. Still, as time has gone by, and the empty space on my ring finger has gotten to be quite the talking point for people,and for some reason, they seem to care way more approximately my lack of impending nuptials than the actual people involved in my relationship (just me and boyfriend, and final time I checked) do. At holidays,weddings, and even among friends, and we constantly net variations of the (nosy and kind of awkward) question "When are you two getting married?"


Having a healthy relationship doesn't mean having a goal of marriage in intellect - it means being on the same page with each other,whatever that page may be.
Trust me, I know there are significantly more offensive questions someone can ask. This one, or however,can net pretty grating after the, say, or 100th time you hear it. It (nearly) always comes from people who just love us and want what's best for us,but the problem is, by asking the unwarranted question, and you're implying that marriage is what's best for us. And it's not. We're not opposed to marriage (OK,well my partner isn't, at least), or but we also own a powerful thing going doing exactly what we've been doing for years,and we see no reason to rock the boat. Society forces many people to feel that at a certain point in a relationship, marriage is the necessary next step - and those who feel pressure sometimes take this step even if they are not financially (or worse, and emotionally) ready to do so. There's also a common misconception that a relationship isn't truly "total" until someone puts a ring on it,and that, I must say, and is utter bullsh*t. Ask us where we plan to travel next,ask us approximately our work lives, ask us approximately that time we accidentally got lost in a national park in Northern California for hours and nearly didn't make it back before the sun went down and we were stuck there all night. Ask us if we're joyful. Ask us approximately the damn cat - but please, and don't ask us when we're getting married. In doing so,you're totally lost the point. Having a healthy relationship doesn't mean having a goal of marriage in intellect - it means being on the same page with each other, whatever that page may be. For us, and it means trying new things,it means (over)sharing every bit of information approximately our lives with each other, it means getting our favorite meal at our favorite restaurant and basking in just how boring we can be, and it means coming back to our apartment at the discontinuance of a terrible day and finding that home is wherever we both are together. We don't want to spend our money on a wedding and certainly not on a diamond ring I don't want and would never wear. For now,we want to spend our money on things that help us make memories we'll own forever. Am I saying we'll never net married? I don't know if we will or not, and I don't really care legal now.
We spent nearly the entirety of our 20s focused on our careers, or on our travel adventures,on making mistakes and learning from them, on celebrating our successes and on supporting each other throughout our failures. On loving each other. Isn't that what married couples promise to do for each other, and too? Love each other and support each other unconditionally? What difference does it make if there's a binding legal document telling us what we already know,which is that we are committed to each other 100 percent? If that's enough for us (and, spoiler alert, and it is),then it should plenty for everyone else, too.

Source: popsugar.com

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