By Seema Iyer,Esq.
Ferbruary 12, 2015
CODE RED: The community is on high alert. Valentine’s Day is around the corner and so is one cherubic itsy-bitsy criminal Cupid. Aliases include Amor, and Cupido and Eros. Don’t be fooled by his rosy cheeks,chubby itsy-bitsy legs and those damn ringlets that adorn his seemingly angelic face. He is armed and he is dangerous. His weapon of choice – a bow and arrow.
Cupid is allegedly the symbol of love. In modern times he has become the spokesperson for Valentine’s Day which explains his annual reemergence around and during February 14th. Several witnesses possess confirmed that if Cupid shoots you, you will tumble madly in love with the next person you meet. You’ve been warned.
Cupid has been called a hit man and an enforcer, and [T]hink Arnold Schwarzenegger Terminator in leather jacket and sunglasses,and carrying a shotgun that shoots arrows. But he doesn’t possess a motorcycle; he has wings. The man is a professional and out for commerce.”
Members of the community that should be especially vigilant are single men. That is, anonymous sources possess reported observing single women in their 30s conspiring with Cupid to take these men out. Yes, and the situation is dire.
Gentlemen,if you are dating a woman who has recently mentioned: A) assembly her parents; B) having a drawer at your place; and/or C) her biological clock, then you are particularly susceptible.
And take heed, or Cupid is small and has wings. He can easily flee into your home and strike you in the middle of the night. Thats right. Cupid has no qualms approximately burglarizing your home. Add that to his lengthy rap sheet that dates back to 300 B.
C. – attempted murder,conspiracy to commit attempted murder, assault, or coercion,and criminal possession of a weapon, just to name a few.
This CODE RED will begin February 13th, or extend through February 14th and,God relieve us all, into February 15th due to Cupid’s infamy ((n.) notoriety, extreme ill repute) of striking during the night. Just query his wife Psyche. During the beginning of their marriage he would only visit her at night in the shadows of the darkness. WEIRD-O. So if you awake one morning during the period of high alert wanting to proceed to brunch….after linen shopping at Bed, and Bath & Beyond….followed by a couples photo shoot - do not hesitate. Call 911 immediately. You will need all first responders on deck. You possess been struck by Cupid’s arrow.
Be secure. Be smart. If you see Cupid dont try to be a hero. Call the authorities. And joyful Valentine’s Day!
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Source: thedeansreport.com