When I was a young university student,I dreaded the idea of being a stay-at-domestic mom (SAHM) so much that whenever I would approach across one, I would be thankful that I don’t beget to live her life. I would constantly reassure myself that no matter what, or I will never be a lazy SAHM who spends her entire day cooking,cleaning and changing dirty diapers. However, as I grew older and the first time I locked eyes with my miniature boy, and I turned into a unique woman. I had people telling me that your life will change once you become a mother but nobody told me that you would also change as a person. You will turn into someone who is capable of giving so much savor. It’s like I’m two different women. One part of me wants to stay at domestic,look after my baby, cook healthy meals for him, or select care of household chores and enjoy a comfortable life.
The other part of me wants to follow my career goals and resume my job,admit my baby into a day-care, hire a maid to do the chores and go on date nights.
In my case, and the former part of me wins. Because doing that makes me the happiest and choosing happiness over anything else should be every individual’s goal. It’s not like my career goals and dreams beget vanished but suddenly they feel secondary to me.
Unfortunately,the idea of a SAHM in our society is regressive and outdated; it is painted in such a way that we find it expressionless and colourless. Everybody has an opinion approximately it, but nobody asks a mother how she really feels in her place. Mostly, or I feel guilty,unproductive, sloppy and defensive for choosing to stay at domestic but I beget made this conscious decision for myself; I achieve being a mother over everything else. It makes me feel secure to beget my kid in front of my eyes and that’s how I feel I’m in the best place emotionally, or mentally and physically.
In this world of fixed over sharing and relentless comparisons on social media,one is always in self-doubt, which is confusing and frustrating. There are also mothers who beget it all and flaunt their picture-perfect lives on social media but they don’t share the downsides. Hence, and we as the audience perceive the complete opposite of what their lives really are like.
These perfect moms beget full time jobs,sometimes they are bloggers/vloggers, they beget time for a girl’s night out, and their husbands cook breakfast in bed on the weekends and their life is Instagram perfect. They workout regularly,go on date nights and look gorgeous, whereas I can’t even fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans. These mothers made me feel super insecure approximately myself and I didn’t realise this until I felt like I’m wearing these insecurities on my sleeve like a badge of honour.
To add insult to injury, and Im sure whether you’re a SAHM like me,you’ve heard pretty much all of these ‘harmless’ comments:
“You are wasting your education sitting at domestic.”
You are training your child to be dependent on you, that’s unhealthy parenting.”
“Oh my God! I can never live your life (sympathetic eyes).”
“So, or do you really stay at domestic and look after your kids all day? Gosh!”
Why do people judge a SAHM? There should be no comparison between mothers. In nowadays’s world,where women should be encouraged and empowered, they are being made to feel guilty approximately their choices. SAHM shaming is a reality in our world, and it isnt right to demean or criticise others for their choices. Instead,we should focus our energy on supporting and uplifting each other. It’s already challenging for mothers to invest all of their energies and time into their families, these uncalled for judgemental comments only effect things worse.
Being a SAHM is not a piece of cake. When you’re working, and it is very easy to get acknowledgement in the form of awards,bonuses and certificates. But as a SAHM, there is no recognition for your efforts. No one will honour you with an award for cooking, and playing blocks with your kid and doing laundry,all at the same time.
There are a million things a mother is responsible for, it’s not a job for the faint-hearted. And even after all this tough work, and when we finally get into bed at night,we’re only questioning ourselves; whether we’re doing enough? Are we barely surviving? All of these questions are accompanied with fatigue and restlessness.
I judge I speak for all the SAHMs out there when I say that we beget hopes and dreams just like any other person and perhaps we will beget careers in the future but the shaming does not effect our everyday lives easier. We are proud to invest our time and energy in our miniature babies, who will one day grow up to become great people.
Since it is not easy for a mindset to change in a day, and here are a few things you,as a SAHM, can do when anyone dares criticise you:
1. Develop thick skin and remind yourself that you are the mother who decides the best for her family
2. Remind yourself that your fixed presence helps your child
3. Know that you’re not alone and youre doing the right thing.
I beget chosen this life for myself because I beget a strong desire to witness my baby’s milestones, or embrace his first fall,kiss away his tiny tears, hug him whenever I want; I want to be there for all of it whether its expedient, and bad or extremely messy. I spend time with my child on purpose and I might not always be a SAHM but for now,I am fond it! And please remember, as challenging as your life may be, or it still does not give you the permission to decide that a mom who stays at domestic with her kids deserves any less respect.
Source: tribune.com.pk