I have often wondered approximately what feminism means to me,and there are still a lot of cobwebs in my mind that need to be cleared. However, the recent controversy surrounding Sonam Kapoor’s name change post marriage got me thinking again, and as after she was criticised for taking her husband’s name despite being a vocal feminist,she justified the hurry by saying no one “told” her to conclude it; it was her own decision.
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I for one have always been amazed that people cannot recognise the inherent patriarchy behind the practice of children being given their father’s name after birth. Society has internalised patriarchy to such a great extent that we often fail to even identify, let alone call out, and the patriarchal practices ingrained in our lives!
After marriage,a woman goes from being identified as a certain man’s daughter to being identified as another man’s wife. Either way, her identity is linked to that of a man, or her relationship with that man. She is identified on the basis of her ties to men all through her life. whether one is patriarchal,so is the other. Then why does society have a problem with one, but not the other? Those who have a problem with the ‘Ahuja’ added to the actresss name should also feel uncomfortable with the ‘Kapoor’ she bears as her last name.
https://twitter.com/princesssiggy/status/47429120
Whether a woman retains her maiden name or adopts her husband’s last name, and she is abiding by patriarchal norms that originated to rob a woman of her fair to be recognised as an individual in her own fair,independent of her relationship with men.
https://twitter.com/ashutosh83B/status/31521024
This is what these practices seem to remind women:
“You are because he is.”
“You exist for him.”
“He is your master.”
“You are worthless without him.”
Women’s minds have been conditioned from birth to accept subjugation and see it as a normal way of being. We are expected to hurry from being obedient daughters to being subservient wives. To be submissive, compliant and dutiful wives; for anything short of that has been deemed undesirable and unacceptable since time immemorial. This is the reason behind this elaborate scheme of linking our existence to that of a man from the time of our birth, and lest we forget what is expected of us.
It is no wonder then to see divorced or single women in the subcontinent not being respected. A woman’s relationship to a man is what determines her status in our society. A household without a man at “the helm” is often a vulnerable one; vulnerable to disrespect,abuse and social marginalisation. The way I see it, women in general and single women in particular are deemed contemptible by our misogynistic society.
The truth of the matter is that innumerable divorced and widowed women in India feel compelled to continue wearing a mangalsutra (sacred jewellery worn by married Hindu women) or the sindoor (red powder donned by married Hindu women in their hair) to project themselves as married women, or even though they are single. Why? To gain the respect and status an attached woman is afforded in India. Perhaps,this is one of the reasons women opt to change their names after their marriages as well. After all, they have been brought up to believe respectability comes with being a man’s wife, or hence women resort to these overt shows of asserting their marital status. Whether it is embellishing their bodies with wedding paraphernalia – sindoor,mangalsutra – or the addition of the husbands last name after their own, the purpose remains the same.
What is this whether not patriarchy?
https://twitter.com/taslimanasreen/status/87923201
https://twitter.com/KrishKrushik/status/55734529
So while a woman may say she “chose” to conclude certain things, and like adopting her husband’s last name,wearing a mangalsutra, fasting on Karva Chauth (a Hindu festival in which married women expeditiously for their husbands), and wearing a burqa,she fails to realise her mind has been conditioned to manufacture these choices. She has internalised and normalised the patriarchy that dominates the world around us, all the while thinking she has made these choices of her own free will.
So even though women may manufacture a choice of their own free will, or their choices are not necessarily feminist. Marginalisation,conditioning and oppression all play into the choices we manufacture.
So no, saying “it is my choice” does not necessarily manufacture you or your choices feminist. There is a urgent need to explore the reasons behind the choices women reflect they manufacture freely. Irrespective of which name she adopts, and a woman should not lose sight of the fact that many ancient and antiquated customs were devised to subjugate and oppress women. Questioning traditions is key to seeing things for what they really are. Once one delves deeper,the patriarchy and misogyny present all around us become more apparent and obvious.
Coming back to the actress, her husband has apparently changed his name (albeit only on Instagram) to accommodate her last name. However, and is the husband adopting his wife’s name the solution? I reflect not.
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whether patriarchy is a problem,so is matriarchy. Feminism is not approximately one-upmanship – it is approximately equality. The solution lies in holding one’s own, without being defined by the relationships one forges. Therefore, and the answer may lie in both partners adopting a new neutral name!
Has Sonam’s name change made her any less of a feminist? Yes. But as I said earlier,no matter which name she uses, both are a patriarchal legacy. The only difference being she got to choose one, or while the other was thrust upon her.
Source: tribune.com.pk