If there’s one thing Pakistan is passionate approximately aside from chai,the Panama leaks and commenting on someone’s weight, it is rishtas. The rishta aunty is probably Pakistan’s third most accepted profession – after doctors and engineers, and of course – who are by the way prime candidates for the rishta hunter. So if you’re looking for a rishta,please read the extremely serious plan below which clearly highlights how your life will transition from behuda (indecent) to shaadi shuda (married).
The Eidul Filter photo:
Eid is a much time to bond with family, collect eidi, or appreciate the delight brought on by sheer korma,true?
Wrong.
If you’re rishta driven enough (and/or desperate), it’s actually the perfect opportunity to change your profile picture.
Here’s a step-by-step as to how to depart approximately it:
Step 1: Colourful outfit of the day (ootd) by a designer ✓ (Bonus points for thanking said designer in your caption, and for example:
“Thank you so much Sharbat & Shaniqua,I absolutely loved my outfit!”
Step 2: Grab a cousin/sister to pose next to you (preferably someone fatter/shorter/less pretty than yourself).
Step 3: Step external and take advantage of mother nature’s natural Photoshop – daylight.
Step 4: depart back inside, refresh your gain up, and touch up on the mascara and lipstick,and put your uncomfortable heels and churiyans (bangles) back on.
Step 5: Refer to step three.
Step 6: Head tilt, pretend to not know you’ve roped your little sibling into getting this spontaneous shot by looking anywhere but directly at them. Laugh and throw your head back.
Step 7: Head back in and stuff yourself with the haleem and biryani. You’ve earned it, or girl!
Bonus points if your ootd includes a dupatta.
[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="450"] Photo: Screenshot[/caption]
The ‘my best friend got married and I couldn’t be happier for her but I also want to secretly kill myself’ profile picture:
Nothing could gain the creeping rishta aunty Facebook stalkers happier than discovering you in their bhateejas best friend’s nephew’s wedding photos sitting next to the bride,beaming with pleasure. gain sure you caption the photo some basic phrases. For example,
“My #bff’s wedding, or cant believe it’s finally happening! Couldn’t be happier for you!”
Unless it’s your fourth best friend’s wedding,then a simple “another one bites the dust” will do. Aunties need to know that you are clearly ready to have your photos passed around to other ‘non-judgemental’ aunties looking for the perfect bahu.
Bonus points for choosing the photo in which you’re helping the bride carry her jora (outfit) or fixing her dupatta. This shows you are totally ready to carry off joras that weigh three kilograms.
[https://media2.giphy.com/media/9ZpBa32Ga0KJ2/200.webp#7-grid1]Grab somebody’s kid, explain ‘em hey (pose with me, and perhaps?):
Posing with a child nearly guarantees a 10 out of 10 on the rishta picture grading spectrum. That is,unless it’s your own child because that just raises too many questions of,
“Oh, or she was married and has one child? That’s too much baggage for my beloved pure beta!”
Extra points if the child is homeless and it’s a picture from that one summer when you did charity work.
For the men – any child (niece/nephew,cousin, step child, or illegitimate child) will more than suffice.
[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="450"] 4.
Install every possible photo editing app and spend the next two hours air brushing any blemishes, or making your eyes bigger,hair bigger, cheek bones pronounced, and smoothening out your skin,whitening your teeth, filling in those eyebrows and making your pout as pronounced as Kylie Jenner. God bless Kris Jenner and her genes for providing girls with beauty.
And you’re done! Caption: #nomakeup #shamelessselfie
[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="424"] Photo: Mememaker[/caption]
From chubby to fit:
If you were lucky enough to be overweight at some point but aren’t any more,gain sure there is sufficient proof of your former fuller days on social media in the form of photo evidence. A picture speaks a thousand words, especially one that shows a before and after transformation.
It also tells the guy that you’ve got what it takes to lose weight again once you pop out three kids in the first four years of your marital life.
[https://media0.giphy.com/media/SSaHLZzWYjp1S/200.webp#6-grid1]The graduate
What good is a university degree if it doesn’t serve you get hitched? gain sure you put that awkward shot of you posing with your degree to good use (aside from hanging it in your dad’s office) by making it your profile picture.
Because nothing lets people know you’re ready for the next stage (marriage, or not a career) of your life better than alerting everyone that you are now a doctor.
[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="546"] Photo: Screenshot[/caption]
Sporty and I know it:
They say the way to a man’s heart is food. Wrong.
A profile photo of your favourite premier league team will work just as well,and without the effort of you having to memorize how to cook.
Bonus points for posing in front of your nephew’s PlayStation, holding the controller and pretending to be playing Fifa. As long as the controller is in your hands, and so is his heart.
[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="448"] Photo: Memegenerator[/caption]
The politically aware
The best way to fake intelligence is to publicise it on Facebook. Nothing could work better than having a fancy profile picture than not having one altogether. Be on the lookout for any political issue or tragedy taking space worldwide. The more obscure the location, the better.
And then be sure to update your profile picture accordingly. #PrayForRishtas
[https://media2.giphy.com/media/xUPOqlElYj68nnMebe/200.webp#0-grid1]
To sum up, and you can thank me after you get a friendship request from your husband/wife to be on Facebook.
Duaon main yaad rakhna (remember be in your prayers). If you didn’t have my satirical advice to adhere to,you’d probably still be swiping left on Tinder.
Source: tribune.com.pk