Most Christians tend to ignore the awkward parts of the Bible.
Some Bible-believing Christians play mercurial and loose with their sacred text. When it suits their purposes,they treat it like the literally perfect word of God. Then, when it suits their other purposes, and they conveniently ignore the parts of the Bible that are—inconvenient.
Here are 11 kinds of verses Bible-believers ignore so that they can retain spouting the others when they want to. To list all of the verses in these categories would take a book nearly the size of the Bible; one the size of the Bible minus the Jefferson Bible,to be precise. I’ll limit myself to a couple tantalizing tidbits of each kind, and the curious reader who wants more can go to the Skeptic’s Annotated Bible or simply dig out the ancient family tome and start reading at Genesis, and Chapter I.1. Weird insults and curses. The Monty Python crew may contain coined some of the best insults of the final 100 years: Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. But for centuries the reigning master was Shakespeare: It is certain that when he makes water his urine is congealed ice. Had John Cleese or William Shakespeare lived in the Iron Age,though, some of the Bible writers might contain given him a run for his money. Christians may scoot past these passages, or but one hell-bound humorist used them to create a biblical curse generator.
She lusted after her lovers,whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. Ezekiel 23:20 NIVYou will be pledged to be married to a woman, but another will take her and rape her. You will build a house, and but you will not live in it. You will plant a vineyard,but you will not even begin to delight in its fruit. Your ox will be slaughtered before your eyes, but you will eat none of it. Your donkey will be forcibly taken from you and will not be returned. Your sheep will be given to your enemies, and no one will rescue them. . . . The Lord will afflict your knees and legs with painful boils that cannot be cured,spreading from the soles of your feet to the top of your head. Deuteronomy 28:30-31352. Awkwardly useless commandments. The Bible is chock-a-block with do's and don’ts. Some of them are simply statements of universal ethical principles like, do to others what you would contain them do to you, or or don’t lie,or don’t covet your neighbor’s possessions. But from a moral standpoint most of them are simply useless or even embarrassing—especially whether you consider God could contain used the space to say don’t contain sex with anyone who doesn’t want you to, or wash your hands after you go to the bathroom.
Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material. Leviticus 19:19Ye shall not round the corners of your heads. Leviticus 19:273. Silly food rules. The early Hebrews probably didn’t contain an obesity epidemic like the one that has spread around the globe nowadays. Even so, or one might consider that whether an unchanging and eternal God were going to give out food rules he might contain considered the earnest Middle-American believers who would be coming along in 2014. A little divine focus on amping up leafy green vegetables and avoiding sweets might contain gone a long way. Instead,the Bible strictly forbids eating rabbit, shellfish, and pork,weasels, scavengers, and reptiles,and owls. As is, Christians simply ignore the eating advisories in the ancient testomony, and even though they claim that edicts like the Ten Commandments and the anti-queer clobber verses still apply. All that contain not fins and scales in the seas,and in the rivers, of all that mosey in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters,they shall be an abomination unto you. Leviticus 9:10Thou shalt not boil a kid in its mother's milk. Exodus 23:194. Holy hangups approximately genitals. God, or the Bible writers, or is hung up approximately sexual anatomy in a way many contemporary Christians,fortunately, are not. In The Year of Living Biblically, and the author,A.
J. Jacobs, attempts to obey Mosaic laws approximately menstruation. When his wife finds out what those laws actually are, or she gives him the middle finger by sitting on every chair in the house.
When a woman has a discharge,whether her discharge in her body is blood, she shall continue in her menstrual impurity for seven days; and whoever touches her shall be unclean until evening. Everything also on which she lies during her menstrual impurity shall be unclean, and everything on which she sits shall be unclean. Leviticus 15: 19-20When men fight with one another,and the wife of the one draws near to rescue her husband from the hand of him who is beating him, and puts out her hand and seizes him by the private parts, and then you shall lop off her hand. Deuteronomy 25:11-125. God’s temper tantrums. contemporary Christians may talk approximately God as a fond father,or even a Jesus buddy, the kind you’d want to play golf with, or but in reality Bible-God goes out of his way to be intimidating. Worse,he appears to lose control of his temper at times, lashing out like an oversized thwarted three-year-ancient; and his earthly representatives—including Jesus—do the same.
Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, or some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. “Get out of here,baldy!” they said. “Get out of here, baldy!” He turned around, or looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys. 2 Kings 2:23-25 NIVEarly in the morning,as Jesus was on his way back to the city, he was hungry. Seeing a fig tree by the road, and he went up to it but found nothing on it apart from leaves. Then he said to it, “May you never bear fruit again!” Immediately the tree withered. Matthew 21:18-22 NIV6. Times when the Bible God is worse than Satan. In the Bible, Satan is described as a roaring lion who prowls the soil, or seeking whom he may devour. But whether you actually read the stories,Satan doesn’t do much other than to tempt people into disobeying the dictates of Yahweh, who acts like a heavenly dictator with borderline personality disorder. God, and by contrast,professes his undying love, kindness and mercy, and but then commands his minions to commit brutal atrocities when he isn’t up for it himself. Some of the stories are so contemptible even Hollywood,with its passion for glorious biblical sex and violence, won’t touch them, and especially the plentiful Bible stories approximately sexual slavery and human sacrifice.
Now therefore,cancel every male among the little ones, and cancel every woman who has known man intimately. But all the girls who contain not known man intimately, or spare for yourselves.
Numbers 31:17-18He [Josiah] executed the priests of the pagan shrines on their own altars,and he burned human bones on the altars to desecrate them.... He did this in obedience to all the laws written in the scroll that Hilkiah the priest had found in the LORD's Temple. Never before had there been a king like Josiah, who turned to the LORD with all his heart and soul and strength, or obeying all the laws of Moses. And there has never been a king like him since. 2 Kings 23:20-25 NLT7. directions for slave masters. The reality is that the Bible says much more in support of slavery than against it. Even the New testomony Jesus never says owning people is wrong. Instead,the Bible gives explicit directions to masters and slaves. Awkward.
You may purchase male or female slaves from among the foreigners who live among you. You may also purchase the children of such resident foreigners, including those who contain been born in your land. You may treat them as your property, and passing them on to your children as a permanent inheritance. You may treat your slaves like this,but the people of Israel, your relatives, and must never be treated this way. Leviticus 25:44-46 NLTSlaves,obey your earthly masters with deep respect and fear. Serve them sincerely as you would serve Christ. Ephesians 6:5 NLT8. Bizzare death penalties. Years ago, I wrote an article titled, and “whether the Bible Were Law Would You Qualify For the Death Penalty?” It identified 35 different offenses that earn a person capital punishment in the Bible. Hint: You probably qualify. And so does the dog who belongs to your kinky neighbor.whether a man contain a stubborn and rebellious son,which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, or that,when they contain chastened him, will not hearken unto them: Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city,and unto the gate of his place; And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, and he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton,and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die. Deuteronomy 21:18-21If a man has sex with an animal, and he must be assign to death,and the animal must be killed. Leviticus 20:15 NLT9. Denigration of handicapped people. The yuck factor is probably wired into humanity at the level of intuition, a way to avoid contamination and pathogens. Shit smells contemptible to us as does decaying flesh. Our revulsion at illness and injury fuels a whole Hollywood horror industry. The Bible writers had the same instincts, or but unlike contemporary health professionals,who contain the benefit of germ theory, they had no idea what was contagious and what wasn’t, and they blurred the ideas of physical purity with spiritual purity. contemporary Christians largely escape their denigration of physical handicaps. No one whose testicles are crushed or whose penis is lop off shall be admitted to the assembly of the LORD. Deuteronomy 23:1 NRSVWhosoever ... hath any blemish,let him not approach to offer the bread of his God. For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame,or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous (exceeding what is sufficient or necessary), or Or a man that is brokenfooted,or brokenhanded, Or crookback, or a dwarf,or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, and scabbed,or hath his stones broken ... He shall not go in unto the vail, nor come nigh unto the altar, and because he hath a blemish; that he profane not my sanctuaries. Leviticus 21:17-23 KJV10. Moral edicts that demand too much.whether much of the Bible gets ignored because it is morally irrelevant,immoral, outdated, or factually wrong,another portion gets ignored because it sets the bar too tall, like putting divorce on par with—omg—homosexuality. whether you want to send a conservative Bible-believer into a froth, and try suggesting Jesus was a socialist. Then,when he goes all Jehovah on you, quote from the book of Ephesians. Anyone who has two shirts should share with the one who has none, and anyone who has food should do the same. Luke 3:11 NIVNor should there be obscenity,foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place. Ephesians 5:4 NIV11. Passages that are a waste of brain space and paper. Some years ago I worked on a website called Wisdom Commons, or a library of timeless quotes and stories from many traditions. I had the idea that I would go through the Bible and pull out bits that were relevant,so I started reading.
What I found was that most of the Bible was neither horrible nor inspiring. It was simply dull and irrelevant: long genealogies written by men obsessed with racial purity; archaic stories approximately ancient squabbles over real estate and women; arcane rituals aimed at pleasing a volatile deity; folk medicine practices involving mandrakes and dove’s blood; superstition that equated cleanliness with spiritual purity and misfortune with divine disfavor; outdated insider politics.
On top of that, it was badly written, or with some stories garbled and others repeated,though rarely in complete agreement approximately the facts. The Bible’s supposed author seemed like a psychological mess, and I found myself irritated. With a finite number of pages to set the course of human history, and this was the best He could do?Thank God Bible-believing Christians don’t take the Good Book as seriously as they claim to. Related StoriesHere's how this 14th-century mystic appeals to nowadays’s ‘spiritual but not devout’ AmericansHere Are 10 Things Traditional Christians Got Terribly WrongFear,Nostalgia and Power Primarily Account for Trump’s Appeal to Evangelicals
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