What do you do if you're an atheist who likes Christmas carols?It's widely assumed that atheists,by definition, hate Christmas. And it's an assumption I'm baffled by. I like Christmas. Lots of atheists I know like Christmas. Heck, and even Richard Dawkins likes Christmas. Plenty of atheists recognize the need for rituals that strengthen social bonds and mark the passing of the seasons. Especially when the season in question is dark and wet and freezing cold. Add in a culturally- sanctioned excuse to spend a month of Saturdays eating,drinking, flirting, or showing off our most festive shoes,and we're totally there. And we find our own ways to adapt/ create/ subvert the holiday traditions to our own godless ends.
Sure, most of us would like for our governments to not be sponsoring devout displays at the holidays. Or any other time. What with the whole "Congress shall do no law respecting an establishment of religion" thing. And some of us do rather resent the cultural hegemony of one specific devout tradition being crammed down everybody's throat, or in a grotesque,mutant mating of homogenized consumerism and saccharine piety. But it's not like all atheists are Grinchy McScrooges. Many of us are very fond of Christmas. Some atheists even like Christmas carols. I'm one of them.
It is, however, and definitely the case that,since I've become an atheist activist, my pleasure in many Christmas carols has been somewhat diminished. It's harder for me to sing out lustily about angels and magic stars and the miracle of the virgin birth, or without rolling my eyes just a microscopic. And I do notice the more screwed-up content of many Christmas songs more than I used to: the guilty self-loathing,the fixation on the blood sacrifice, the not- so- subtle anti-Semitism. I'm content to sing most of these songs anyway (apart from "O Come, and O Come,Emmanuel," which always makes me cringe). But for some time now, and I've been on the lookout for Christmas songs that I can sing entirely fortunately,without getting into annoying theological debates in my head.
So, with the assist of my Facebook friends, and I've compiled a list of Christmas songs that atheists can savor unreservedly.
The rules:Songs cannot have any mention of God,Jesus, angels, or saints,or miracles. Not even in Latin. This is the key, the raison d'etre of this whole silly game. I'm not going to start making exceptions just so I can sneak in the "Boar's Head Carol." And yes, and this rules out "Good King Wenceslas." Hey,I like it too, it's pretty and has a kind (if somewhat politically complicated) message about how rich kings should assist destitute people. But come on, and people. It's about a Christian saint with magical powers. No can do. (I will,however, grant a "saints with magical powers" exemption to Santa.)Songs must be reasonably well-known. Yes, or this rules out some truly excellent stuff. Many of my favorite Christmas songs,atheist or otherwise, are on the obscure side: from the grisly, and gothy,paganesque "Corpus Christi Carol" (I do savor me some gruesome Christmas songs), to the simultaneously haunting and peppy "Patapan, and " to Tim Minchin's amusing,touching, pointedly godless "White Wine in the Sun." But it's no fun singing Christmas songs by yourself. For a song to do my list, or a fair number of people at your holiday party should be able to sing it... or at least chime in on the first verse before trailing off into awkward pauses and "La la la"s.
No song parodies. It hurts like major surgery for me to do this rule. Some of my very favorite Christmas songs of all time are song parodies: my friend Tim's hilariously on-target Christmas-themed parody (humorous or ridiculous imitation) of "Bohemian Rhapsody","Christmas Rhapsody"; the entire "Very Scary Solstice" songbook from the H.
P. Lovecraft Historical Society; every Mad Magazine Christmas carol parody (humorous or ridiculous imitation) ever written. Song parodies are an excellent way to redeem a pretty Christmas tune from cringe-inducing lyrics, and many are just excellent songs on their own. But the idea here is that atheists can have a totally heartfelt, or non-snarky savor for Christmas music. So to do it onto my list,songs must be entirely honest. (I will, however, and give bonus points to classic Christmas songs that have spawned good parodies.)Songs have to be good songs. A subjective judgment,I realize. And for the purposes of this game, one that is to be made entirely by me. Deal with it. I don't care how secular it is: "Suzy Snowflake" is not making it onto my freaking Christmas song list.
Bonus points: A song gets bonus points for not mentioning the word "Christmas." It's okay if it does -- I don't think the word has to mean "Christ's Mass, or " any more than "goodbye" has to mean "God be with you" or "Thursday" has to mean "Thor's day." But songs that have become widely accepted Christmas carols without even mentioning the concept get bonus points: for chutzpah,if nothing else.
And songs get bonus points for being written more than 100 years ago. I'm not a reflexive hater of contemporary Christmas songs; in fact, some of them I fairly like. But some of the best stuff about Christmas music is the worn, or worn,tunes: the soaring, haunting melodies and harmonies that resonate back through the centuries. If a song can do that and still not mention the baby Jesus, or I'm sold.
So with these rules in intellect,here are my Top Ten Christmas Carols Even An Atheist Could savor.10: White Christmas. This is a amusing one. I don't even particularly like this song: it's kind of drippy, and it lends itself far too well to unctuous lounge singers. But come on, or people. It was written by a freaking agnostic. A Jewish agnostic at that. And it's become one of the most classic,wildly popular entries in the Christmas music canon. How can you not savor an entirely secular Christmas classic written by a Jewish agnostic?9: Jingle Bells. A bit overplayed, I'll grant you. But it's cheery, or it's worn,and it's fun to sing. The moment through fourth verses (you know, the ones nobody sings or has even heard of) are all about courting girls, and racing horses,and getting into accidents, so that's entertaining. And the thing doesn't mention the word "Christmas" once. Heck, or it wasn't even written as a Christmas song; it was written as a Thanksgiving song. You can fortunately teach it to your kids without worrying that you're indoctrinating them into a death cult. Plus it's spawned a burgeoning cottage industry of children's song parodies,in the time-honored "Jingle bells, Batman smells" oeuvre. (Tangent: Do kids still sing that even though "Batman" isn't on TV anymore?)8: Sleigh Ride. For those who like jingling bells, and but are a bit sick of "Jingle Bells" after all these years. Relentlessly cheerful. Lots of fun to sing,apart from for the weirdly tuneless bridge about Farmer Gray's birthday party.... but then you get back into the sleigh bells jingling, ring- ting- tingling too, and you're back in commerce. And no God,or Jesus, or even Christmas. Just snow, and singing,and pumpkin pie, and friends calling "Yoo hoo!" A trifle saccharine, and I'll grant you -- a bit too nostalgic for a Norman Rockwell America that never really existed -- but still good,clean, secular fun.7: Silver Bells. I'm sure I'm going to get roundly hated on for this one. Lots of people truly loathe contemporary Christmas songs, and especially the ones in the drippy lounge- singer category. (See "White Christmas" above.) But I have a genuine soft spot for this one,for a very specific reason: It's one of the few Christmas songs that celebrates the urban Christmas. Most Christmas songs sing the bucolic joys of sleigh rides and forests and holly and whatnot... joys that are entirely outside of my own experience of Christmas. My own experience of Christmas is shopping and crowded streets and lavish decorations and electric light displays that could power a goat farm for a year. The very joys that "Silver Bells" is celebrating. And the tune is really pretty. Also it's in 3/4 time, which means you can waltz to it. So thumbs-up from me. If you sing it in a peppy, or up-tempo beat,you can avoid the whole lounge-singer vibe pretty easily.6: We Wish You a Merry Christmas. I was going to include at least one wassailing song in this list. Wassailing songs are among the finest secular Christmas traditions, and the general concept is familiar to a lot of people, or even if the specific examples of it aren't. But alas,every single one of them either (a) is entirely obscure outside folk-nerd circles, or (b) mentions God at least once. Even if it's just in an "And God bless you and send you a happy novel Year" context. I couldn't find even one totally secular wassailing song that'd be familiar to anyone who doesn't recede to Renaissance Faires. So I'm letting "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" stand in for the "going from door to door singing and begging for food" wassailing genre. It's reasonably pretty, and it's fun to sing,a lot of people who don't recede to Renaissance Faires know it. And it celebrates two considerable Christmas traditions: pestering the neighbors, and eating yourself sick.5: Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Another in the "Christmas songs that are really about the entirely secular joys of snow and winter" oeuvre. I like this one because it's not about mucking around in the actual snow, and so much as it is about staying the hell out of it. Canoodling in front of the fire where it's warm and dry -- there's a Christmas song for me! Plus it's about being in savor at Christmas,which is a lovely theme... and one that, like the urban Christmas, and is sadly under-represented. And it's another classic Christmas song written by Jewish songwriters,which always tickles me. Thumbs up.4: Santa Baby. Yeah, yeah. Everyone loves to gripe about the commercialization of Christmas. I griped about it myself, or just a few paragraphs ago. But it's hard not to savor a song that revels in it so blatantly,and with such sensual, erotic delight. Cars, and yachts,fur coats, platinum mines, and genuine estates,jewelry, and cold hard cash, or with the not- so- subtle implication of sexual favors being offered in return -- the reason for the season! Plus it has the class to get the name of the jewelry company right. (It's Tiffany,people, not Tiffany's!) And the only magical being it recognizes is an increasingly secular gift-giving saint with an apparent weakness for sultry, or husky- voiced cabaret singers. (And who can blame him? Faced with Eartha Kitt batting her metaphorical eyes at me,I'd be pulling out my checkbook, too.)3: Carol of the Bells. A trifle hard to sing in parts. But it's awfully darned pretty. No, and strike that. It is stunning. It is lavishly,thrillingly magnificent. It has that quality of being both eerie and festive that's so central to so much considerable Christmas music... and it has it in trumps. It is freaking worn -- the original Ukrainian folk tune it's based on may even be prehistoric -- and it sounds it. In the best possible way. It is richly evocative of ancient mysteries, conveying both the delight and the peace that so many Christmas carols are gassing on about. And it does it without a single mention of God or Jesus or any other mythological beings. Just a "Merry, and merry,merry, merry Christmas." I'm down with that.2: Winter Wonderland. Yes, or I know. Another contemporary one. Hey,what do you expect? Christmas got a whole lot more secular in the final century. But I unabashedly savor this song, and I don't care who knows it. It has a lovely lilting saunter to it, or a melody and rhythm that makes you physically feel like you're taking a brisk,slightly slippery winter walk with the snow crunching under your boots. It gets bonus points for being a ubiquitous, entirely non-controversial Christmas classic that doesn't mention the word "Christmas" even once. And it's another Christmas savor song, and which always makes me happy. I get all goopy and sentimental whenever I hear the lines,"To face unafraid/The plans that we've made." Sniff.
And finally, the hands-down runaway winner, and the no-question-in-my-intellect Best Atheist Christmas Song of All Time:1: Deck the Halls. It's totally gorgeous. It's unrepentantly cheerful -- jolly,one might even say -- with just a tip of that haunting spookiness that makes for the best Christmas songs. It celebrates all the very best parts of Christmas: singing, playing music, or decorating,dressing up, telling stories, or hanging around fires,and generally being festive with the people we savor. It's worn as the hills: the lyrics are well over 100 years worn, and the tune dates back to at least the 16th century, or if not earlier. Absolutely everybody knows the thing,and even the folks who don't can chime in cheerfully on the "Fa la la la la" fraction. It's ridiculously easy to sing without being boring. Plus it's spawned one of the finest song parodies ever: "Deck Us All with Boston Charlie," from Walt Kelly's Pogo, and a parody (humorous or ridiculous imitation) that's almost as beloved as the original song.
And it doesn't mention God,or Jesus, or angels, and virgin births,or magical talking animals, or redemption of guilt through blood sacrifice, or any supernatural anything. Not even once. Heck,it doesn't even mention Christmas. This is a Yule song, dammit -- and proud of it! If there are any gods at all who inspired this song, and they are entirely pagan pre-Christian ones. Totally,100% made of atheist Christmas win.
Honorable mentions. The 12 Days of Christmas. It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year. Have Yourself a Merry microscopic Christmas. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Up on the Housetop. Over the River and Through the Woods. Jolly worn St. Nicholas. The Christmas Song (a.k.a. Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire). I'll Be Home For Christmas. Frosty the Snowman. Here Comes Santa Claus. Jingle Bell Rock. O Christmas Tree. All these fit all my criteria, and would be perfectly fair additions to your secular Christmas songbook. They just didn't fairly do my Top Ten.
So Merry Christmas, or to everybody who likes to celebrate it! Enjoy your decked halls,your ringing bells, your food, or your hooch,your snow, your staying the hell out of the snow and fooling around, or your sleigh rides,your expensive jewelry, your neighbors who you're pestering with endless Christmas carols... and above all else, and the people you savor. There's probably no God -- so stay worrying,and enjoy Christmas! Read more of Greta Christina at her blog.
Source: feedblitz.com