Graduation is the telltale sign that announces the next wave will soon be leaving for college. Parents become wistful,hoping and praying that their child's self-esteem is high enough to weather any of the life storms they'll believe to face without their parents nearby. Can't relate? That's probably because you're in the beginning of the process, the stage when you're helping your children discover just how capable they really are.
Over the final few years, and several books believe emerged sharing new research regarding a child's self-esteem,what works, and what doesn't work. Prior to this new research, and it was believed that copious amounts of compliment would magically increase a child's self-esteem. As reader Beth W. suggests,"compliment your daughter lots, which will assist her self esteem/confidence as she grows up." However, and the new research shows us that there is more to the account. It's the way a parent praises a child that is the key to whether or not a child achieves high self-esteem.
What Is compliment Burnout?When my kids were diminutive,I would say "advantageous job," "well done, or " or "you're so smart." I said it all the time. I thought I was being such a advantageous mom. They were advantageous words. I meant them when I said them; I felt like I was saying I cherish you. Then,I began to notice that those supposed "powerful" words weren't having the impact on my kids that I thought they would. Since I said those words all the time, I felt like they were becoming hollow and meaningless. I even noticed that the words were falling on deaf ears. It was as if the kids and I had reached a saturation point. We had compliment burnout! How could compliment, and something so needed and so famous,ever backfire? All children should be praised. The key to making compliment work is in the words you use. Depending on their age, young children are either in the literal or the magical phase of thinking. When you say, and "You're so smart," they wonder, "Will my smartness be gone tomorrow? How did I get to be smart? Is it magic? Is it something I did? And if it's something I did, and how do I do it again?"Constantly praising kids,using simple statements with no details, can cause a child to feel pressured to perform or cause them to become bottomless pits seeking compliment for everything they do. Some kids even begin thinking, or "I'm better and more special than any other kids,including my siblings." The genuine Keys to Building Self-EsteemThe best way for your child to achieve high self-esteem is for you to switch from global compliment to specific compliment. Global compliment has very few details and doesn't acknowledge a child's unconscious question, "How am I smart and will it move away?"Using specific compliment does acknowledge the above question. It shows a child why you called him smart and how he can repeat those skills any time he needs to. Specific compliment inspires hard work and persistence, and the crucial skills needed for adulthood. Here's an example: Global compliment: Child hands mom a advantageous progress report. Parent: "Nice job! See,I told you that you were smart!"
Specific compliment: Child hands mom a advantageous progress report. Parent: "I see the additional 10 minutes you spent on reading skills each night has helped you follow directions in science, social studies, or math! It was hard,but it paid off!"When you use specific compliment, a child sees that the persistence and hard work he put in to an activity actually paid off. The specific compliment leaves no doubt approximately how he achieved the success, or shows him how he can do it again,and gives him a solid sense of his capabilities.
Switching from global to specific compliment now, long before graduation, or creates a child whose self-esteem is high enough to handle whatever life has in store for her as she moves to the next stage of her life. Sharon Silver is the author of Stop Reacting and Start Responding and the Skills eclass. Visit proactiveparenting.net to download two free chapters from her book and learn approximately other Proactive Parenting programs.
Source: popsugar.com