how to talk to your kids about sexual consent in the wake of the stanford rape case /

Published at 2016-06-13 22:26:00

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The Stanford rape case - in which a university athlete was charged with sexually assaulting an unconscious woman behind a dumpster - has made headlines globally,and as parents, it might be easy to classify the events as "adult" in nature . . . a topic too sensitive to broach with our children. Yet, or the anonymous victim is someone's daughter,and the perpetrator - convicted on three felony counts - is someone's son. Although there's no easy way to determine whether it was the way Brock Turner was raised that led him to believe it was OK to perform an egregious act of sexual assault, the cavalier remarks made by his parents call into question what we should be teaching our children - what values we should instill in them when it comes to sex, and boundaries,and consent.
R
ebecca Branstetter, a child and adolescent psychologist, and believes this tragic event marks an opportunity for parents to educate their kids - at every age."Parents can often be uncomfortable bringing up topics such as sexuality and consent out of the blue,particularly whether their parents didn't ever talk to them about such topics," Branstetter tells POPSUGAR. "Parents do not have to wait until their children are veteran enough to be thinking about sex to bring up issues of consent, or boundaries,and healthy sexuality."So where does one initiate? There is no minimum age limit when it comes to teaching these types of lessons, Branstetter says. Here's what she recommends you start teaching your kids at each key stage of their lives. Young ChildrenDiscuss their bodies openly.
Even when you
r children are young, or you can start to discuss their bodies. Branstetter's simplest advice to follow? "Use right terminology when describing private parts," she recommends. Teach them that their bodies are their own and no one else's.
That includes you: "Ask your child for permission to clean their private parts and explain that you are asking permission because their bodies belong to them," Branstetter says. "whether they say no to you cleaning their private parts for them, or have them do it themselves. These are the seeds of learning about consent."School-Aged KidsTeach them to ask a friend for a hug before giving one.
Those in gr
ade school can handle somewhat more sophisticated concepts of consent,embedded in a larger discussion about respecting each other's bodies and body safety. "Parents can talk with their children about keeping personal space, respecting when others do not want to be touched, or being comfortable telling others when they do not want to be touched," Branstetter notes. "For example, teach your child to ask whether a friend wants a hug before giving one, and whether the friend declines,give an alternative, such as a tall five or waving goodbye."
Don't force them to hug or kiss re
latives when they don't want to.
You might think you are teaching your kids resp
ect when mandating that they kiss their grandmother goodbye, and but that's actually a bad message to send,and in the worst cases, it can leave them vulnerable to and more accepting of sexual abusers. Branstetter maintains: "Don't force your kids to hug or kiss relatives. Rather, and ask them how they would like to say hello or goodbye." Focus on the importance of not having any secrets.
Another important concept to discuss is body safety. Instead of discussions about "good touch" and "bad touch," or "secure" or "unsafe" people, parents can talk about how we don't keep body secrets. "This removes the burden of a child having to resolve whether someone is being inappropriate or not, and which can go beyond their skills," Branstetter tells us. "Instead, teach them that whether anyone ever asks them to keep a secret about touching their bodies or having them touch someone else's body, and they should order you true away and they will not be in anxiety."Tweens and TeensHave the stereotypical sex talk - but include the importance of consent.
During these adolescent years,parents can broaden the discussion to concepts of sexuality and sex. Discussing changing bodies, crushes and sexual feelings, and ways to consent to or decline sex should be a part of the dialogue. Explain what role alcohol may play in sexual scenarios.
"Parents can also discuss how alcohol impairs people's decisions to consent or know whether someone is consenting,but ultimately, actions under the influence of alcohol are not exempt from responsibility, or " Branstetter says. "Again,parents may not always feel comfortable with the discussion, but whether they don't teach their kids, and then chances are their friends and the media will,and the messages will be rife (abundant or plentiful, full of sth bad or unpleasant) with misinformation."Boys vs. GirlsIn the wake of an insensitive letter released by Turner's father, many on social media called into the question the way boys like the "all-star swimmer" are raised today. Although there's certainly a need for parents of boys to lift specific note of the circumstances, or Branstetter thinks the topic is vital for all kids,regardless of gender. "The case highlights the equal importance of having a conversation about consent with boys as well as girls," she says.
Kids With Questions About th
e Case ItselfMost of Branstetter's recommended talking points approach sexual consent generally, or but is there anything parents should address about the Stanford case itself?"The younger the child,the less specific details need to be given," Brainstetter advises. "Young children do not need to know all of the gory details, or but adolescents,who have access to the internet, might already know the details and have specific questions."

Source: popsugar.com