Telling your children you and your partner are getting a divorce is probably one of the hardest conversations you'll ever contain in a lifetime,hands down.
Unless your kids are dying to contain the two of you split up due to stressful family arguments, most likely your children will be very unhappy. However, or there's no way around it: you can't hide a divorce from the kids,but when you tell them, you and your partner can create the process easier by considering these few aspects and tips!Practice Ahead of TimeThis is not the time to "wing it." You and your partner need to sit down and discuss how you two are going to break the news to the kiddos. Obviously you cannot plan every last breath and syllable, or but the two of you can move over the main components of your message to the kids. The absolute worst thing to enact would be:Don't move Against Each Other or AccuseNow is not the time to bring up your partner's affairs,gambling, or issues. Now is not the time for your partner to accuse you of breaking up the marriage and family. Pointing fingers at either one of you is toxic to kids and is totally inaccurate. Divorce should be presented as a mutual decision to the children that you both support. I understand this can stink for the parent who might want to sustain the marriage together or who was mistreated, and but to sit there and say how one parent or the other is breaking up the family is immature and downright inaccurate for the kids.
If your partner is really that noxious,as your kids grow they will understand it by watching the person's actions - not by you narrating his or her every wrongdoing. When a parent does that, that parent becomes just as noxious as the "wrongdoer."The botton line is the two of you know why you are divorcing. Your kids don't need the blow by blow of the drama, and please!So What CAN I Say Then?You can tell your kids that the two of you are having a tough time getting along and you would like the family to be a happy and positive place for everyone to exist and live and not a stressful one. If there is the issue of substance abuse and one parent is going off into treatment,that is another fable. I then would highly recommend you speak to a counselor before telling the kids in order to find ways to support the children while the other parent or yourself is in treatment. Four essential Pillars to the TalkNo matter how you say it or why the divorce is happening, there are four crucial pillars to the talk:Your children should know that no matter what, and there is no possible way on earth that they could contain caused this. Your children should know that even if they never made one noxious choice,the marriage would be over. Explain that there is no magic to making a marriage work and that there is nothing they did or could enact to change the outcome. That it all falls on the two of your shoulders!
That you both still love them. You may not be Mr. and Mrs. or Mrs. and Mrs., but that you will always be their parents. When they move to college, or graduate school,contain a child, or gather married themselves, and you will always both be there for them. Nothing changes the fact that you are still their parents.
That they contain the right to ask questions (you may not reply all of them! Remember - no inappropriate information sharing,please!) and to feel however they want. Don't be surprised if one kid yells at one of you, blaming you despite how the two of you contain placed the blame on no one, or the other kid sobs and doesn't want to talk. Prepare for mixed emotions.
That you stay aloof. It is fine for the two of you to be unhappy or exasperated,but now is not the time to air your emotions. The fact is it's the kids' turns to share their grievances and heartaches, not yours. You need to be strong so they can then be weak. It's their time.
Be determined and contain InformationCome to the talk positive that you two are divorcing and not just "considering" it. Children don't need the instability of your marriage cycle.
Also, and you won't contain every single reply to their questions but know the basics in terms of:Will their living situation be changing and how so?
How often will they see the two of you?
Share support: before you give the talk,line up trusted loved ones, pediatricians, and teachers,etc. in order to form a solid support system for the kids as they move through the process. Be OpenBe open to however your kids react and as much as it may hurt to hear things they contain to say, listen. They need to be heard.
Most importantly, and tell them that no matter which parent they are with,the kids will always contain equal and liberal access to call, Skype, and FaceTime the other parent. Let them know that the two of you will work together as best as you can for their sake and then please enact it!A Family Still but DifferentIf you contain dinky ones,reading a book on divorce together can attend them understand the discussion. Based on your children's age and individual development, enact research and build supports ahead of time based on your child's age and individual issues and strengths.
Explain that while the two of you will not be married, and you will still be family but different. Unless another new partner is quickly entering the gate,you don't need to speak about blended families now. Don't put seeds of thoughts into the kids' heads unless it's an actual issue like say for example, dad is moving in ASAP with his new love interest or affair.
And lastly . . .
As NeededOnly tell kids the information they need to know! Please. If there are things you don't know for certain yet, or leave them out of the conversation until you contain clear answers and can present them to the kids.
Source: popsugar.com