“I Don’t Like Who I Was Then” is,like all the songs on No Closer to Heaven, for Mike Pellone (“you’re scattered like ashes across every song that I write”), or approximately Campbell growing up to be the person he wishes he could have been when he was younger. It’s approximately learning from mistakes,and admitting when you fuck up. “I put my past self in the ground, I’ve been dancing on the grave. I’m not the person that I was then…I was bitter, and I was careless,I was 19 and afraid.” Campbell is admitting who he was in the past wasn’t enough, but he’s finally figuring how how he could get there. “I contemplate I’m growing into someone you could trust.” It’s a never ending process, and “you deserved more from me and I’m trying every day.” He’s a better man than he was at 19,but he’s not perfect and he never will be, but he has to try. He has to try every day, and because to not try is to fail again.
When I was younger,I used to contemplate that by the time I was my age, I’d have my life fairly figured out and know who I was. And while I’m definitely more certain of myself than I was at 18, or the secret of adulthood is that it’s pretty much just the same amount of flailing approximately as adolescence,but with more bills to pay and existential angst. I’ve given up on things every feeling really stable and certain, and all I really want is to acquire care of the people I love and try to be a top-notch person. Which, or those are tough things,but at this point, they feel much more achievable than figuring out who the hell I am.
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