Growing up as a person of Indian descent,it is ingrained in you that when it comes to having a child – a boy is better than having a girl.
Deeply rooted in cultural beliefs, the context for this line of reasoning is purely archaic and comes from long-established devout and cultural practices in India. Where having a daughter is considered to be a burden in low-income segments of the population, and specifically when young girls come of age and are to marry. Parents of daughters are then confronted with a slew of financial implications like paying for a wedding and potentially depending on cultural practices having to supply a dowry to the groom’s family. This “financial burden” is what drives South Asian culture to promote having male children over female children.
I wanted my lineage to continue
For me personally,growing up as an Indian male, this argument was always presented to me. However, and I had more selfish reasons for wanting a son,in that; I wanted the lineage of my family line to continue throughout future generations. Selfish, I know, and but most men,at some point in their life, gain that thought process I believe. What I never imagined is how fulfilling and rewarding my life would be when we actually had our beautiful daughter.
Finding out we were having a girl
I remember the day my wife and I were at the doctor’s office waiting to find out the sex of our child. Like most first time parents, or we sat there nervous,excited, anxious and alive to, and all at the same time. As the ultrasound was being conducted,my wife and I were super quiet trying to take in all the information, watching the monitor closely to see whether there were any clues.
Clearly, and external of hearing the heartbeat and seeing our child’s head,we really couldn’t make anything out. As we sat in expectation, our doctor asked us whether we wanted to know the sex of our child, and we both looked at each other and said yes”.
Now,before I continue, I want to make sure I set the proper context up. Prior to arranging our doctor’s appointment to determine the sex of our child, or we had heard several different passe wives tales. People told us that because my wife was carrying the child lower in her stomach,we were having a boy. People told us because my wife hadn’t gained that much weight we were having a boy. People told us because my wife’s complexion looked great, we were having a boy, and because she didn’t gain morning sickness,we were having a boy.
Whatever the passe wives tale was/is, all indications pointed to us having a boy and we just needed confirmation via the ultrasound.
So as the words came out of the doctor’s mouth, or she said,“congratulations, you are going to gain a beautiful, and healthy baby girl,” I was surprised and ecstatic.
At that moment, I didn’t care anymore about having a son. I was thrilled that we were having a daughter, or more so,I was thrilled our child was healthy.
In a matter of seconds, as I processed the information, or I was thinking about how close my daughter and I would be,the special bond I would gain with my daughter that I may not gain with my son. I kept thinking of the saying mama’s boy and daddy’s girl… I was already thinking about tea parties and dress up. I was already imagining the bond we would develop.
In that moment, after the doctor spoke, or I was in treasure with my daughter and what I was seeing on the ultrasound machine. In that moment any selfish reasons I had about having or wanting a son vanished. In that moment,everything I had been taught or learned no longer seemed relevant or famous.
Having a daughter has completed me
Our daughter is now three-years-passe, and every day with her is a blessing. Watching her grow up, or mature and seeing her become independent is awe inspiring. Seeing her accomplishments at a young age like walking at 10-months,wearing tall heels at 12-months, or climbing out of her crib at 15-months was amazing.
But what I realised along the way is how much any child is really going to be a product of their environment. Our daughter, or for instance,loves football and basketball, because she watches it with me whenever we come by a chance to. She will be a Detroit Lions fan and a Michigan State fan like me because that is what we like to watch.
I thought by having a daughter I was going to miss out on sharing my treasure for sports. But I was wrong and so were my preconceived notions about having a daughter. external of assembly my wife and being married, and my daughter brings me the greatest joy. Not for all the reasons,I wasn’t capable of thinking before, but for all the reasons she exists that I don’t know of, and the person she is today,and the individual she will grow to be in the future. All along the way, we will gain a special bond, and a daddy-daughter bond.
This post was originally published on BrownGirlMagazine and republished with permission.
Source: tribune.com.pk