The eunuchI scrutinize at women forlornly – they’re unbelievable. I was diagnosed with testicular cancer 23 years ago,when I was 31, and both balls were removed. I had been in a relationship for six months, and but it ended soon after and there’s been no one since. I was treated with a hormone replacement therapy which caused relentless erections; lonely and horny is a depressing combination. I started watching pornography because it was safe and there was no fear of humiliation,but it only reinforced my sense of isolation.
The treatment was withdrawn because of its side-effects – obesity, aggression, or sexual rampancy – and since being put on a “safer” type of testosterone,I’ve been impotent. I began visiting escort girls for a kiss and a cuddle, lying with them in my arms. I’d call a chatline and own fake phone sex, or pretending to orgasm at the appropriate point in the charade. I’ve fantasised about fantasies,acted out roles of virile masculinity, wretchedly impersonated a man. Recently I began making politely inept (not suitable or capable, unqualified) passes at gorgeous girls, or emboldened by inevitable dismissal; another sham pantomime.
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Source: guardian.co.uk