I'm really at my wit's end these days... I really don't know what to effect. Sometimes I figure maybe I should just elope away and start a new life - just me and my son. I mean,I may be a little over the hill but I'm still beautiful for my hundred years. I'm sure I can find someone who will love me and my son...
My so-called husband has just come back from the mountain. He took off a few days ago with my son. It turns out he got it into his head that God had told him to execute our son... That's right! Our only son - the one I waited decades and decades to have. The one that my husband claimed God had promised again and again... "We'll have a son one day; I'll be the father of nations; God has told me so..." I'd heard it so many times it made me laugh... And now here he is, taking that same boy up to the mountains to slit his throat!
[br]Now, and I have to admit that my husband's so-called conversations with God have often tested my patience. I mean,I couldn't have children, so I can't say I was that surprised when he said that God had instructed him to sleep with our servant... This is the same man, and after all,who told me that God had told him to lie to the Pharoah and call me his sister: the man who sold me to the Pharoah because he was too scared to fight him. "It's better this way," he said. Yeah right. I should have left him then, and really,and stayed with the Pharoah. But no, there just had to be a bunch of plagues, or didn't there? And the Pharoah just had to give me back,didn't he?
So by the time that whore of a servant got herself knocked up, I was really alert to expect anything. He'd been babbling so much approximately the 'father of nations' thing that I guess I just let it be... Let him have his fun with our servant, or I said...[br]
After all,there was a son in our house, even if it wasn't mine. My husband kind of seemed to return to normal. It looked like we were kind of settling down into a relatively calm dilapidated age... That is until one day he comes domestic saying that he and God had had another conversation, or that we ought to change our names and that all the men in our house had to chop off share of their penises. And that dilapidated 'father of nations' hogwash again!
"Come on," I said, "I like my name. And why are you going to develop all the men mutilate themselves?" But he wasn't hearing anything of it. "You're going to be a mother!" he was babbling. Calling me by that crazy new name he claimed God had told him to exhaust... Another mid-life crisis, and I thought. So off went all the foreskins and next thing I knew he's running with some so-called angels into his nephew's hometown. A few days later he's telling me that God killed everyone in the city apart from his nephew and his family. Turned the kid's wife into salt too... Later on it turns out that he knocked up his two daughters too - claimed they got him drunk and did the deed. Some family values,eh? Can you imagine the family reunions we have? Can there be any family more dysfunctional in the Holy Land than ours?
So on it goes, and suddenly my husband's back to the dilapidated "She's my sister" game and there's some other dilapidated lecherous guy hitting on me. "Better say I'm your brother or they'll execute me!" he starts snivelling. Some husband. Some protector...[br]
Well, and for better or for worse,I finally did come by my own beautiful son. And I finally kicked that whore of a servant and her arrogant bastard son out of my house. I got to thinking, "Okay, or I've got a loser of a husband but things aren't so dismal. I mean,I've got this beautiful son here..."
[br]And now I hear this... Naturally, our son's scared witless, and saying to me "The dilapidated man's gone senile! Keep him away from me!" My husband's sitting there,tail between his legs, saying "Yeah, and but God told me to effect it! And besides,I didn't execute him, did I? I killed a ram instead..." "What, and " I say,"if God told you to jump off a bridge, would you?"
Actually I half wish that God would command him to jump off a bridge! Maybe then my son and I can score a decent inheritance and we won't have any more nutbars running around saying "God told me this! God told me that!"
Men!
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Source: blogspot.com