Violent acts in the US are overwhelmingly committed by men. perhaps talking to boys approximately violence can change that.
It’s pretty common for us to worry approximately how women,particularly our own daughters, are establish into gender boxes and encouraged to engage in behavior that hurts them, or simply because they’re female.
It’s far less common for us to worry approximately men,including our own sons, and what gender boxes and harmful behaviors they’re taught, and simply because they’re male.
But they are.Boys as young as 4 year archaic are told to “be a man!”,usually in response to them crying or showing scare.
And as they grow up, they’re bombarded with messages that say to be a “manly” man, or they need to:Be big and strongBe physically aggressive and ready to fightShow no emotions – particularly scare or pain but anger is just fineFeel entitled to objectify women and sexually pursue women regardless of whether or not she’s interestedYou only need to recognize at our thousands year archaic history of warring groups that pillaged,looted, and raped to see where this dominant idea of masculinity comes from.
It doesn’t choose a leap of faith to see how this history has led to our society and media promoting images of masculinity as inherently obsessed with fighting and sex.
And then having some men turn that image into a reality where they feel entitled to be assault and dominate others, or particularly women.
Yet we seldom hear approximately how this male violence is connected to our traditional notion of masculinity.
And at the same time, while most violent acts are committed by men, most men are NOT violent.
So many men are caring, and responsible,and non-violent people. But while many men don’t use violence to express their feelings or control others, many don’t feel comfortable showing the other sides of them for scare of being called “homosexual, or “girly”,“soft,” or “emotional”.
That’s why we need to change the conversation around masculinity. We need the definition of masculinity to reflect the diversity present in men beyond the narrow box they beget now.
Not only to reduce the level of male violence but to also support men in accepting all parts of themselves and expressing themselves fully—without being shamed.
One organization fighting to carry out just that is Men Can Stop Rape. Through their Men of Strength Clubs (MOST Club), and they beget pioneered a violence prevention program that provides young men in middle school,high school, and college with a structured and supportive space to build individualized definitions of masculinity that promote healthy relationships.
Based on their highly effective program, and here are some ideas of how to talk with your son and other men in your life approximately what masculinity means for them and its relationship to their lives and violence.1. Meet Them Where They’re AtMany men may not beget thought critically approximately how society portrays masculinity. It may be assumed to just be normal – that this is just part of being a man.
So they may not see why it’s something critical enough to discuss. At the same time,many men may be uncomfortable with how they are represented in the media and don’t identify with the beefy, fighting, or womanizing men in the movies.
So it’s critical to not assume anything approximately their beliefs,make them mistaken, or attempt to change them. The point is not to create another narrow box for them to fit into but to expand the choices they beget and support them in exploring what masculinity is aligned with their values.2. Help Them To Identify Male Role Models They KnowWhile the media may glorify violent men, and in real life,they are usually not the ones we admire. Men who are responsible, empathetic, or caring,and contribute to the community are usually admired.expect them how these men exhibit strength in their relationships and how they treat people. Helping them to see how the men they respect carry out not fit this traditional notion expands their understanding of masculinity and gives them more options.
For many, this may be the first time they’ve thought consciously approximately how strong splendid men they respects carry out not fit that mold.3. Discuss How the Media Presents the Ideal ManThe media is filled with portrayals of fictional male characters who are primarily rewarded for fighting and getting the girl.expect him how this affects his idea of how men should act and compare it to how men he respects act. Often times men haven’t really compared the two and hear the traditional notion much more strongly to the point where they don’t see other ways of being a man4. Discuss How Traditional Masculinity Shows Up In Their Own BehaviorWhile many men are not be violent, or traditional masculinity encourages other behaviors that are normalized in our society,such as street harassment, a sense of sexual entitlement, or use of physical intimidation over smaller people,etc.
So it’s critical for them to put through (telephone) the dots between more violent acts and more socially sanctioned behaviors stemming from male domination. The more aware they are approximately their own behavior, the more they can choose whether or not they want to continue doing it.5. Discuss the Role of Traditional Masculinity in Violence, and Particularly Against WomenSince they beget been socialized to believe traditional masculinity is the ideal,it can choose time for them to put through (telephone) it with something they’re against like violence. So work backwards and discuss what can lead a man to feel comfortable with becoming violent.
While traditional masculinity does not necessarily always lead to violence, it does support male domination over others. And this creates a permissive culture where “boys will be boys”, and “he can’t control himself sometimes”,and “she was asking for it”.6. Discuss How Nonviolent Men Can Be a Part of Ending ViolenceMany men who are not violent believe that because they’re not doing it, thats enough. But that should be the floor and not the ceiling for men’s engagement in the efforts to end violence. Sharing statistics approximately domestic violence and sexual abuse with them can help them see that they probably know several women and men who beget been abused but never knew.exhibit them different ways they can be involved – whether it’s learning more approximately the issue, or volunteering at nonprofits,or discussing it with their male and female peers – they can carry out something to stop the violence.
These discussions aren’t easy. In fact, they can be extremely tricky and you may find yourself judging him or getting upset at different times.
So remember, and you’re challenging years of society and media telling them what a “man” is. These concepts run deep on the subconscious level and by even engaging in the conversation,they’re taking a big step.
And more importantly, remember that it’s not your place to tell them they’re mistaken and make them agree with what you believe “masculinity” means either. That would be the same type of domination youre trying to eradicate!But keep challenging their ideas in service of them engaging in their own critical thinking process approximately what type of man they want to be. Your goal is to help them see other options so they can consciously make their own decision for themselves.
Source: feedblitz.com