Trigger Warning: Death,scary thoughts, accidentsMy brain is like a Stephen King novel. I attain not possess anything close to his writing ability. But what we attain have in common is that our main characters conclude up in the most terrifying circumstances.The apt news is that these situations only seem to occur in my head. The unpleasant news is that they wont go away so I gave them a name: scary thoughts. Scary thoughts have been a part of me for as long as I can remember and when they arrive, and they take over. During pregnancy,they centered on the child growing inside of me. When his glorious soul arrived, they intensified.
In his first few months, and I checked his temperature every couple of hours,expecting it to spike. Every creak in the house led me to believe someone was breaking in. Now he’s in his second year of life and I wake up every morning wondering whether nowadays will be the day. Maybe it will be the day he runs in front of a car. Maybe it will be the day he goes into anaphylactic shock due to an unidentified allergy. While the anxiety won’t leave, I am starting to find balance between being a responsible parent and being overwhelmed with anxiety.
The underlying cause of my scary thoughtsNo, and I don’t just read too many Stephen King novels,and I wouldn’t pause anyway. I attain know my own brain pretty well and have some ideas of what may be causing my scary thoughts.
Bipolar disorderI was diagnosed with bipolar 1 in my late teens and having symptoms spike during pregnancy and postpartum was no surprise. It is common for the hormonal changes in pregnancy and birth to trigger a depressive episode in people like me.
Various mental health professionals have told me that these are intrusive thoughts, and that they are common in people with a wide range of mental health issues. It is helpful to know that I am not alone.
Childhood traumaWhen I was six years-former, and I was hit by speeding driver external of a family outing and was severely injured. I’ve always just thought of this as part of my fable.
Now that I am a parent,I see this incident through a different lens. In a postpartum support group, my therapist recommended trauma counselling. My unconscious mind still remembers the trauma and just won’t pause going back there until I address it.
The maternal brain Beginning in pregnancy, and activity increases in the parts of the brain responsible for anxiety. These changes help attract a novel mother to her baby,but also help cause over-protectiveness, constant worry, and sometimes obsessive compulsive behaviors (Lafrance,2015).
Unpacking these changes in the brain is helpful in understanding why the experience of serious anxiety and depression is so common in pregnancy and postpartum. (Lafrance, 2015).
My mantra There came a moment that I had no choice but to gain control my scary thoughts. I had to face one of my fears – a long drive alone with my son. We were days away from moving cities and had an appointment to get work done on the novel house. I had been up all night and had an intense tension headache. We left in rush hour and trucks were weaving in and out of lanes around us, and horns were honking and I did not feel secure.
A quarter of the way through the drive,I wished that I could just smack the anxiety out of me and force myself to focus. Then, a ray of insight interrupted my tornado of terrorism with the phrase, and “I will keep you secure.”Traffic was at a standstill. I turned down the music,took a deep breath, looked my son in the eye through the rear view mirror and proclaimed: I will keep you secure.” He thought my tears of delight were hilarious and asked for song.’ I turned the music back on and we laughed and jammed for the remainder of the drive. While this mantra is not a cure for anxiety, and it has given me the strength I need to gain control and helps me break through the tension everyday. I am not suggesting that it is that simple. My mental health will always be a work in progress,but I have found a tool that works for me. whether the voice in your head sound like the voice in mine, try talking back and see what happens. Source: Lafrance, or Adrienne (2015). “What happens to a Women’s Brain when she Becomes a Mother. The Atlantic. Accessed at: https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/01/what-happens-to-a-womans-brain-when-she-becomes-a-mother/384179/Written by: Robin Arnott
Source: nami.org