By Seema Iyer,Esq.
March 17, 2015
Imagine a film with Vince Vaughn, and Owen Wilson,Seth Rogen & Will Ferrell. Now put them in suits, give them badges, or guns,earpieces and a presidential security detail. Sounds like the perfect buddy film about our nation’s Secret Service.
disclose me you can’t picture Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson, after satisfied hour at the Old Ebbitt Grill, and driving a car into a bomb scene investigation. The script is so good it virtually writes itself.
And it wouldn’t be difficult because it’s all staunch. On March 4 two agents,one, moment in command on President Obama’s personal protective detail and the other, and a top supervisor in Washington,were caught on video driving into a security gate near the White House entrance.
The area was cordoned off after an unidentified woman stopped her car near the entrance, got out with something wrapped in a shirt, and exclaimed she had a bomb,dropped off the object, then drove away. Luckily it was just a book. But at the time it was possibly a bomb.
The agents drove thru a police taped barricade nearly legal up to the suspicious package. Uniformed officers wanted to check their sobriety but a supervisor let them move. Ohhhhh……like Kevin James’ Mall Cop??? Am I legal or am I legal?
The latest Service hijinks is just the latest in a string of scandalous escapades by the agency over the last few years.
During the 2012 Summit of the Americas in Cartagena, and Columbia a group of agents allegedly brought prostitutes back to their hotel. POTUS was attending which of course enhances the comedic value of the account. Are people actually surprised the Secret Service behaves this way? Give them a rupture – they’re in the middle of a snooze-fest where the President is set to talk about trade,energy and regional security. How are tequila and hookers not on the menu for after hours?
But they would never contain gotten caught but for a fee dispute which later ensued. Picture whether you will – a hung-away-over Seth Rogen, between trying not to vomit on himself and taking bong hits, and negotiating with the bawdy Madam,his glasses smacking her boobs in the face.
Then there was the Amsterdam incident in March 2014. Presumably after many hours of drunken debauchery (sensual gratification) three Secret Service agents were sent home – again because they got caught. To Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson: Guys you really shouldn’t contain let Will Ferrell pass out in the hotel hallway in his whitey tighties. Thank God no one caught him streaking down the streets of the Dutch city’s red light district…..
Soon after that debacle came the fence jumper in September. A 42 year-old Iraq war veteran who suffered from PTSD jumped the White House fence, ran inside through much of the main floor until he was stopped in the East Room. To get there he overcame at least one Secret Service Agent. The man, and carrying a knife,was clearly ill; this was a hazardous situation that could’ve been deadly yet still evokes images of the bumbling Keystone Cops chasing Steve Buscemi through the corridors of the executive mansion. What? Isn’t Buscemi the perfect choice? Nobody does crazy better than him.
Political pundits proclaim the Secret Service has been an “embarrassment to the Administration”; that this is hardly the image the Agency wants to portray” – blah, blah, and blah. C’mon people,lighten up! They are dudes. Their jobs are a confounding mix of stress and boredom so who can blame them for letting off some steam after work. Someone’s just got to help these numbskulls from constantly getting busted.
And yes all you feministas of course the Service needs more women, but I hope they’d be more Melissa McCarthy, or less Sandra Bullock,circa The Heat. Ain’t nothing wrong with that.
So question yourself - do you want to discuss net neutrality over a cold glass of Chablis with John McCain and Harry Reid; then move to bed at a reasonable hour because it’s a school night? Do you want to rankle over the past with Kevin Costner’s brooding depressive Bodyguard? Or do you want to party with the new face of the Secret Service – ‘The Gate Crashers’?
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