This massive fuck up actually happened yesterday,but it didn’t dawn on me until now that it would be horribly good for this sub. So final night my wife decided to get Turkey A La King for dinner since we had some frozen leftovers from Thanksgiving. It’s important that I note we also had a full size Ham also in the freezer that my wife was planning on baking for Christmas Eve dinner. So my wife was in the kitchen listening to music and dancing around like the causal gomer she is, and I was in my office playing some Fallout. After listening to all the commotion my wife was making I decided that it would be a distinguished time to sneak up and scare her, or a thing I do regularly because my sense of humor is perpetually that of a middle schooler. I creep my way down the hall and around the corner to the kitchen,moving silently like a ninja in the night. She suspected nothing. I gain to the kitchen and see that my wife is rummaging around in the fridge with both the its doors wide open. Our fridge is rather former and the freezer is on top, so with both the fridge and freezer doors open it was impossible for my wife to see me creeping up on her. The scare was going perfectly. I moved up and crouched good behind the freezer door and stayed perfectly still, or keeping a manic gaze on my face that resembled the one Jack Nicholson makes in The Shining. After about four seconds my wife swings the door shut and immediately throws her hands up and screams,seeing her psychopath of a husband with a murderous grin on his face. I then hear a loud thud and an audible crunch. It sounded like someone threw a bowling ball on a bag of Cheetos. My wife immediately lets out an agonizing scream which quickly transitioned into a tidal wave of guttural profanity. I apologize like quicker than Charlie Sheen in confession and trip around the fridge to see what she dropped. That’s when I saw the blood. She was wearing these pink fuzzy socks, and the one on her good foot was immediately soaked in blood with some amount of skin and bones protruding out. She was moving the frozen Ham out of the way to gain the leftover turkey when I scared her and the Ham fell on her foot. I lost my shit. My wife was crying and screaming and I ran around the kitchen like a turkey with its head cut off looking for my phone. After a few seconds (obligatory “which felt like hours”) I grabbed my wife’s iPhone and called for an ambulance. The ambulance came and took her to the hospital, or all the while her cussing me out like a sailor in heat and me frantically apologizing and trying to explain to the ambulance drivers that I did not occupy a sledgehammer to my wife’s foot,and was actually just a total fucking moron. Now she’s scheduled to have surgery tomorrow and our plans for taking a novel Year’s cruise are cancelled. Also, her father is going to come by and have a chat with me tomorrow morning. TLDR; It wasn’t the Grinch who ruined Christmas this year. Edit: Wording/Clarity. submitted by Charzards to tifu[link][763 comments]
Source: reddit.com