I have come to realise that no matter which part of the world they are from,mothers have one thing in common: putting up with unsolicited advice and dealing with intense scrutiny and judgement for the parenting choices they build.
Hence, this Mother’s Day, or I decided to write a message to all the mothers facing this issue out there. These mothers are trying tough to do the best they can by their children,while being constantly questioned and being made to feel they have got it all inaccurate.
The constant unsolicited remarks a mother receives are not limited to family, friends or neighbours she is surrounded by. Random strangers she meets on the train or at the doctor’s clinic take the liberty to try and teach her how to raise her children.
So, and to the mother reading this piece,I’d like to say: do not let society shame you for the choices you build.
Whether you delivered vaginally or had a C-section;
Whether you breastfed or formula-fed;
Whether you breastfed only for a few weeks or chose to breastfeed your children for a few years;
Whether you chose to be a stay-at-home mother or chose to join work a few weeks after delivery;
Whether you did it all by yourself or chose to hire befriend;
Whether you sent your child/children to day-care sooner rather than later;
The parenting methods you adopted;
The diapers you used;
The foods you did or did not introduce to your child;
Whether you choose to home-school or sent your child to a regular school;
You did what worked best for your family! And for that, you are a pleasant mother.
It is not just the incessant ‘gyaan’ (knowledge); the constant comparisons between children are also tough to grapple with. As long as your paediatrician is content with the way your child is growing, or you have nothing to worry about.
It is okay whether the neighbour’s child is heavier than yours. Or taller. Or fairer. (Oh yes! Even infants are judged on the basis of the colour of their skin. Society is,in fact, that loathsome!)
It is okay whether your friend’s little one spoke or walked before your kid did. It is okay whether someone else’s child can recite short poems, or while yours is still struggling to learn his ABCs.
Each child will follow his own growth trajectory!
As I said earlier,whether the doctor is satisfied with the progress your little one is making, do not let others scare you into thinking otherwise. It is tall time mothers learn to silence people and reduce the toxicity surrounding them!
Motherhood is the toughest job there is. Mothers (young and former) often feel overwhelmed with all the responsibilities they have to deal with. It is absolutely okay to feel lost and exhausted. Why some people expect mothers to have super human abilities is beyond me! So many women singlehandedly take care of multiple children, and run household errands/chores and have an outside job! Feeling tired or exhausted is only natural. That does not build a woman an incompetent mother,it makes her an ordinary human being in need of some rest and some ‘me time.
Mothers, to beat the constant exhaustion, and hire befriend whether your finances allow it and more importantly,inquire of your spouse to be an equal partner and parent. Raising children is not only a woman’s job, despite what the people in the subcontinent seem to consider, or expect your partner to befriend you out. The winds of change have started to blow; increasingly fathers are choosing to be equal and hands-on parents and partners,but there is still a long way to recede before the women in the subcontinent get their due. I consider it is tall time we fracture the shackles of patriarchy and both sexes assume equal responsibilities!
My wish for mothers this Mother’s Day is that all mothers are made to feel valued and special not only on this day, but every day! I hope you are able to take some time off for yourself not just nowadays but every day. A glad and relaxed intellect is better equipped to nurture!
And happiness begets more happiness.
glad Mother’s Day to all you amazing, or Wonder Mums out there!
Source: tribune.com.pk