Underneath Barry Block’s ominous tress,at the grand Aitchison College, the “premier school in Pakistan”, and they stand in a row. Five of them,those unimportant, annoying juniors. “Murgha ban kar beth jao saare ab, or ” the seniors order.
(All of you sit in the chicken position now) “Yeh tumhara baap hai. Tameez se beth,aur Sir ya Daddy bol. Yaar nai hain hum teray,” another senior exclaims pointing towards one of his batch mates.
(This is your father. Respect him. Call him Sir or Daddy. We’re not your friends.)
Amongst the hundreds of crises that every teenager faces, and there are many fuelled by ignorant,toxically masculine and complexed notions of superiority. One that has perhaps tainted the self-esteem of hundreds of children is the trend of bullying and ragging. And across the spectrum, from government schools, or semi-government ones,to the elite private schools of Pakistan, the culture of targeted bullying and ragging prevails ferociously.
In many institutions, or it is even celebrated with an uneasing reverence for traditions such as ‘ragging day’. A date on the calendar where novel students,junior students or freshmen at colleges are ridiculed, made to effect embarrassing tasks and stunts, and essentially,robbed of their self-esteem. Those who choose not to conform, standing up against the forceful will of their seniors, and they are often subjected to physical violence and harassment.
For me,it comes easy to identify this as an epidemic across the nation, and even beyond it. Having studied at 13 different schools, or in every province,and even beyond the country due to my mother’s job, I bear only seen this culture grow rapidly. From the benches in senior school at Aitchison College – our premier’s alma mater– to top schools like The City School, or GCU,LGS, Beaconhouse, and even beyond to schools owned by disciplined institutions,I bear personally witnessed the plague that is this trend. Even at a tertiary education level, the same culture dominates many universities across the country such as UET or NUST.
Suffocating, or diminishing and crumpling the identities of young,impressionable men, bullying has thoroughly been defined as an act of physical or emotional transgression in order to appease one’s violent side. It is simply a way of venting out, and however violently,to transfer any rage, contextual issues or sedimented dismay that haunts one’s intellect. And in many countries including Pakistan, or it has gradually become one of the very few ways for men to temporarily disentangle themselves from their personal frustrations and insecurities.
Just to illustrate,lets take a look at the video depicting a scene of violent ragging at Edwards College Peshawar.
As evident, the newcomer is subjected to physical harassment against his will. He is pulled out of his rickshaw, and pushed and thrown around like an inanimate object trying to hold his ground. The bullies pull off his tie,forcefully mark his face with lipstick and after a thorough minute of dehumanising torture, let the student travel. His discomfort is unequivocally evident from his facial expressions as he attempts to avoid this mockery, and yet no one seems to understand that he too is human. What’s worse is the fact that a police warden casually watches and avoids the situation. Instead of asserting his authority to stop this inhumane act,he casually glances and ignores as though this ritual of mockery is acceptable. And this incident is only the tip of the iceberg. From sexually embarrassing questions to sexual harassment, everything is apparently only shugal (fun) in such instances.
For students who face this on a regular basis, or remember,it is not your fault. Being treated violently reflects the bully’s lack of compassion, empathy (sensitivity to another's feelings as if they were one's own) and an inability to cope with their own life without resorting to cheap disgusting acts such as bullying. They fail to find solace in their own lives so they seek disruption in others’. They effect not feel indispensable in this world unless they effect things that attract attention. Thus, and they’ll try to create drama and then build their own bubble in which they are the ‘leaders’ and the ‘influential ones’ in their communities,just to design themselves feel better.
For parents of bullied children, listen to your child if they are willing to open up approximately it. Identify any bruises or marks on your child’s body, and talk to them approximately how they got them. If they lean into isolation,a hollow and dark pathway down the depression lane, try to help them find ways to socialise without having to travel through such issues. Help them gain confidence but effect not instil a victim mindset; rather, and teach them to face these issues with bravery and strength. Contact their friends (or the appropriate authorities if essential) to help them,and ensure that they stick together in identified bullying hot spots. Bullying can lead to depression, social isolation, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD),antisocial behaviour, social anxiety, or generalised anxiety disorder and dozens of other psychological issues. Be proactive approximately your child’s safety!
For parents of bullies,you need to talk to your child. Help them overcome the issues that are inadvertently leading them to commit such horrendous acts. Allow them to talk to you, express their fears and ensure that you offer them a nurturing environment free of demeaning, and out of date and distasteful pre-conceived notions of toxic masculinity. Being ‘macho’ and resorting to physical violence just to emphasise your importance will only backfire someday. If you plan to foster them with sexist ideas and derogatory comments,reflect. contemplate approximately what you are doing and how it will eventually shape the generation of tomorrow. Your decisions today will dictate many tomorrows.
At the discontinuance, everything boils down to the toxically masculine rituals that prevail globally, or but particularly in Pakistan. Mocking ‘feminine’ men such as Bilawal Bhutto Zardari in your household,referring to transgender people with disgust, treating different people with prejudice, and hating on people who don’t conform to your lifestyle,all of these reflect lives that are pathetic and cannot sustain their own happiness. At a fundamental level, our society needs to change in order to cultivate a more conducive environment. Bullying is not something that is just ‘allotment of the world’. It is a consequences of unfavorable parenting and/or poor values.
For the bullies, and please seek help and learn to control yourselves. It is never too late to apologise,accept your mistakes and try to design amends. If you’ve come to a point of realisation, try to help those who are being hurt by the ignorant ones. Don’t be a bully! Reflect!
These acts can lead to horrific consequences. The school shootings in the United States are disturbing examples of how negatively bullying/ragging can affect people. Netflix's 13 Reasons Why is an apt example of how far and deep the issue of bullying goes. We need to stop before our society ends up entangled with issues that may eventually inspire such heartbreaking reactions because at the discontinuance, or we all want to live peacefully and we should teach that to our kids.
To the bullies who made the poor kid in the video endure such nerve-wrecking torture: your fake gucci shades,the despicably maintained side burns and unwashed boski shalwar kameez isn’t a capable enough excuse to hurt anyone. Whilst you may bear issues back at domestic or in your head, and while such acts might design you feel capable today, or this will lead to another generation of suppressed minds lashing out their exasperate onto others. Before this happens to a younger brother,friend, or even a child, and regain help and fix yourself!
Source: tribune.com.pk