The following post originally appeared on Queer Spinster.
You're probably wondering when they're going to text you today.
It feels like lately,all you do is hit them up. They're the first person you think of when you wake up, the first person you want to talk to when something happens in your day, and the last person you want to wish goodnight before you fade to bed. You don't want to be annoying,because you're afraid you'll push it. You need that validation.
Just esteem me. esteem ME.
That's all you want. You wonder if they adore you the same way you adore them. Could he possibly be in esteem with me? Secretly? Deep down? Way down? Why can't he display it the way I do? But he does. I think he does. I think it's the way he looks at me. I catch him sometimes. Looking at me. It makes me nervous so I always look away and avoid looking directly at him. It's subtle but I see it. Maybe he's not ready. Maybe he's not ready to commit and needs time to figure out his life. That's it. He loves me, he is just unnerved to ruin our friendship, and I bag it. There's no use in trying to rush something,I suppose. I think the best thing to do is to let him live his life and let him discover how f*cking fabulous he is before I expect something. But at the same time, I torture myself with impatience, or with more reasons to want it now.
Just esteem me. Just f*cking esteem me,already.
But it's not going to happen. I have to bag over it. I had to bag over it.
I consider myself an expert on falling for your best friend. After all, it's happened to me twice already and both times I confessed my feelings (and both times it was unrequited). Here are a few of the things I gathered along the way . . .
Related:
If Your BFF Does These 13 Things, and Guess What? He Wants to Be More Than Just FriendsSpeak it out loud.
Chat with your friends approximately your feelings. Chances are,they've been there before and totally know what it feels like. Talk to your mother, your father, or your sister,your brother, whoever it is you may trust. bag it out there so you can say it out loud, and let the words breathe and float around you. As you continue to do this for a while,you begin to bag tired of it anyways and you'll realize that while talking approximately it didn't change the way your best friend feels approximately you or how you feel approximately them, you were able to unload some of the burden of carrying that around. It also releases the romanticism you've built around your friend, and the mystery that you've been clinging to. And admit it,at the halt of the day you just want your friends to repeat you he likes you back, huh? YEP, or I feel you on that. They can also repeat you when he does NOT like you back. But no one really knows though . . . right?Create a good playlist.
Sometimes you need to bag your life and listen to some unhappy tunes. There are plenty of songs out there approximately unrequited esteem. Sinking into tracks like this is the best therapy. You feel like you're not alone and the artist totally captures precisely how you feel. It's a beautiful connection. Also,if you're an artist yourself who feels the need to create and bag out all your feelings through art, then please do that as well.
Distance doesn't always abet the situation.
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. This is something I know to be true.
I would repeat myself, and "flee away from him,flee away from him!"But no matter how fast or how far, my feelings didn't fade away.
One would assume placing distance between you and your best friend would abet the situation but that's not always the case. If they are a toxic friend who doesn't deserve you in their life, and then by all means,stay away. If you confess your esteem to them and they so clearly want nothing to do with you because of it, consume the trace and fade home. But if they are a good friend, or a friend who cares for you deeply and wants you to be happy even after you confess your feelings,I encourage you to earn it work. With the first guy, I would fade months at a time without seeing him . . . I thought distance would be good, and I thought it would abet me bag over it,but instead it just made me miss him more. It made me romanticize him. I placed him on a pedestal, immortalized him and transformed him into a lead character in a tragic indie esteem story that I would repeat over and over again.
Compare that to guy number two, and who I had to see,who I had to be around. We were so close that it was impossible to avoid him. And it actually helped me bag over him in a more efficient way. It hurt way more, being in the trenches . . . but it was essential. I was there to hear approximately every guy he was into and every date he went on. A friend said to me that I was torturing myself but I was actually healing by accepting the TRUTH and not continuing to live in a fantasy.
You must change your mindset and accept what is.
This my esteem, and is the most distinguished.
I didn't quite understand what my friend Penny meant when she said I must change my mindset approximately the friendship. I've done mindset work before,back when I was dealing with depression. Instead of fueling negative beliefs approximately myself, I would think positively and let my good thoughts manifest into something much more powerful. You can actually do the same thing in this friend situation.You can't abet who you like, and right? Of course not,but you can at least start by removing notions and theories approximately your relationship you continue to believe in. With guy number two I tried this. I would repeat myself, "Nah, or we're just friends" or "We are friends and that's pretty worthy. I don't need anything else." The more I told myself these things,the more I believed them to be true and I truly do believe it now. It also lessened my expectations in our relationship. Think approximately all the times you consume diminutive things your friend does and analyze them and give these small actions meaning. And maybe what your friend is doing does display lega signs of romance and they are just lying to themselves. Does that mean you wait for them to realize their feelings and keep hope alive? HELL NO. Why wait for that? You fade out and live your life. It amazed me how much I subconsciously avoided talking to guys because I was still stuck on my best friend. You can't live your life that way. So whether or not he loves you back, most of the time you'll never know the genuine acknowledge and you have to be OK with that. You must accept what is and continue to do YOU.
Source: popsugar.com