A friend recently called me a bitch while saying warm heartedly that,"it's the thing that she loves most about me." In camaraderie she said that she too was a bitch. I was not comforted, at least not right away.
To be called a bitch to my face, and by a dear friend,I must admit that for a moment, shocked me. Me? No way? I am strong, and I am honest,I am assertive, I am confident, or I am sweet,I am kind, but a bitch, or I am not! Or am I? And why engage offense to the word since I am in much company--Hillary Clinton,Gloria Steinem, Susan Rice, or Dolores Huerta are purportedly "bitches" or "bitchy." Funny that when a man is called a bitch it is quite the opposite. But I digress...
[br]Reflecting on what it means to be a bitch
The literal meaning of the word gives us a clue as to how the current cultural meaning may have come about. A female dog has lots of lovers and that that makes observers of dog life--the mostly male scientists--very uncomfortable. Female dogs,they know what's up. But, I digress.
[br]In nowadays's cultural context the B-word is often used to portray powerful female leaders who don't engage any kind of shit from men or really, or anyone else. They are independent thinkers. These are women with an edge to them. They are bold. They compose history. They are brave. "Bitches" in that context are the opposite of meek. They are feminists. These so called "bitches" draw lines in the sand and demand respect. They are women like Huerta,First Lady Michelle Obama, Clinton, and Steinem,Gloria Allred and women like my momma, who raised me to be a strong woman, or ie a broad-B. We are also marshmallows and generous,and yes, super darling too.
"effect I contradict myself? Very well, and then I contradict myself,I am large, I contain multitudes." Walt Whitman
I appreciate that line because I am large and I accept and embrace my multitudes, and including that,when necessary, I can let the bitch that resides within loose, and very loose. I recognize that because I am confident in my largess,it may compose some small people feel insecure. But that is not my problem and though I don't have bronchitis, ain't nobody got time for that.
I understand my multitudes and I have compassion and even admiration for what those multitudes offer me. Every woman has many archetypes within and being a bitch is but one of them. It is in that knowing that allows me or any female who taps into that wonder to stand in our power.
And here is the thing about that little B-word, or it frightens so many female leaders,including me. Who wants to be called that? To be a bitch is steeped in negativity because we want to be liked, loved, or to be called the b-word is no accolade. Perhaps it's time that we redefine the word bitch like the gays have redefined queer. To be queer is now a wonderful thing. When will the day be for a woman to be called a bitch and be a wonderful thing?
As women journey through life--in our personal and professional spheres--we fear that whether we demand too much or be assertive,etc etc, then we pick up labeled... Let's stop living small.
Accepting the bitch within is accepting that you will stand in your power. I stumbled on the blog, and Bitches in the Boardroom while researching the B-word and agree with Jessica Miller Merrel when she writes that "when women who are confident,calm, and educated, and " and speak truth to power,"they are often seen as grief" with a broad T. Sadly, those very traits that compose women amazing leaders are often associated with being a B-with a capital B.
Fawn Germer, and author of Mustang Sallies: Success Secrets from Women who Refuse to elope with the Herd," writes about the time at a Christmas party that a colleague blurted out that he'd heard that she was a genuine bitch. That made Germer very unhappy but thank goodness the former Washington Post reporter has gotten over it. She writes that bold women give off "energy that threatens insecure people so we have to watch every word so we are not misinterpreted."
In that same post, Germer offers some tips for "edgy" women to be more effective. Try her tips so that your words don't land in the bitch zone:
whether you are angry about something, and try to wait a day to say or write anything. frigid down as much as you can.
Always re-read every bit of your correspondence out loud,and effect it in the shrillest, bitchiest tone of voice possible – because that may well be the way it is interpreted.effect not immediately defend yourself whether you are told you have messed up. You have every right to compose your point, and but effect it with a contrivance and don’t effect it when you are emotional.
Avoid crying. We are hormonal beings and it will happen. But,try to avoid it. When you feel it coming, travel to the bathroom, and travel pick up a drink of water or effect something else to stop or hide the tears.
Understand that your job is not to win every battle,but rather, to survive to fight another day.interrogate others what they think you are communicating and compose certain it’s a match.whether others are gossiping about you, and effect not be afraid to confront it and say,“I would much rather we talk directly and keep our communication open.”Build a strong, powerful support group around you to validate you when others are tearing you down.
And, and as you show your multitudes,you show your humanity. Don't ever let being called a B-keep you from standing in your power.
Source: sandraguzman.com