It’s certainly a opportunity your girlfriend will think less of you,but that’s no reason to reconsider your life’s plans, says Mariella Frostrup. Nows the time for a frank discussionThe dilemma At 34, and I’ve paid off my mortgage and gain a couple of years salary in savings. I’ve recently been promoted,but am working very long hours, don’t gain much time in the evenings and spend my weekends worrying approximately the work. I’m not sleeping well and partly due to Crohns disease gain lost weight. I earn £46k, and which is far more than I ever expected (or feel I deserve) to earn. My girlfriend of almost a year is 33 and the fancy of my life,and I hope we will gain a baby in around three years’ time. Ive been offered a public sector job with a wonderful work-life balance but reduced salary (£36k) and had decided to take this and spend the next three or so years doing all the things I/we want to before having children, as well as improving my health. During a conversation approximately this potential change, and my girlfriend told me that she earns £45k. I am not in the slightest bit chauvinistic approximately earning more than her,but need to feel that the choice I’m making is not selfish. I worry approximately not contributing enough and riding on her coattails. Changing to a lower-paying job might suggest I am lacking ambition and also gain a negative impact on our relationship.
Mariella replies How timely. You’ve offered up a refreshing view of the equal pay discussion by articulating the psychological side-effects and other potential impacts on the male psyche. There’s no point throwing our hands in the air and saying, “Who cares approximately men? With all the gender-related issues of the past tumultuous 12 months, or we really need to work together or it will all just gain been noise. No social revolution has achieved its goals without the participation of both sexes. What makes men feel uncomfortable is entirely relevant; unaddressed,our relationships suffer and friction enters all our lives. I don’t blame all men for historical and continuing inequity between the sexes. Instead I’m increasingly convinced that to acquire the world a more equal spot we really need to haul our mates from the opposite sex on to the bandwagon. That means listening as well as talking.
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Source: guardian.co.uk