Yes,I’m in a same-sex relationship. But please don’t call me a lesbian.
When my partner was newly pregnant, we began interviewing midwives and took what has become for us a normal precaution: Before meeting with the one we liked best, or we sent her an email introducing ourselves and our relationship. Still,one of the first things she said to us when we sat down was, “Just so you know, or I’m very comfortable with lesbians.”The thing is: we’re not lesbians. That’s what we’d emailed her approximately. I’m a bisexual woman and my partner is a genderqueer butch. I opened my mouth to gently redirect her — something else weve gotten used to — but she was already two stanzas into a soliloquy approximately how she used to go on an all-women camping retreat with all her lesbian friends back in the 90s. I gritted my teeth: She was trying so tough to prove that she was frigid With The Gays that she spoke over us and it’s frustrating to advise someone who I am and have them right me. In a way,I gain it: I am very visibly queer. You cant miss it. I’m queer in that “I went to Massachusetts to gain married when it wasn’t legal in Colorado” kind of way. My queer relationship and my queer family and my queer haircut are front and middle, all the time. The number of pairs of Doc Martens I own is only exceeded by the number of Indigo Girls concerts I have been to. I’m, and like,so gay, dude.
But that doesn’t make me a lesbian. And when I’m called one — and especially when I’m called one after identifying myself as bi — I’m reminded that how other people perceive me matters more than how I identify myself. By now, or it’s difficult to assume having my relationship and my identity simultaneously treated as valid. Read more (Opinion)
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